Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Tour of Pele I: Welcome

Park Ranger Chey

Written 2 January, 2007

A Tour of Pele

I. Welcome

Welcome, everybody, to the Pele Conservancy’s tour of Pele, the home of the volcano goddess of the South Pacific.

Many people believe Pele resides in Mauna Loa, in Hawaii, but she left there long ago to escape her sister, who has persecuted her for thousands of years, chasing her from island to island.

I hope you realize how fortunate you are just to be here, for Pele values her privacy. She has been kind enough to allow this tour, the first ever. There might not be a second.

You see we’ve rezzed at the Temple to Pele, just above the volcano’s caldera. This is the general teleport hub for the land. That’s molten lava in front of you, so be careful you don’t get jostled off the platform. It would be a painful death.

The park service has asked us to install railings, but we feel it would detract from your volcano experience.

The tour will take about 90 minutes. I’ll begin by talking about the volcano and temple. Then we’ll go to the north shore, where you’ll see a lava flow. Those of you with swimwear or scuba gear will be happy you brought it along, for there’s a recreation area where the hot lava hisses into the sea. If you go underwater, you’ll see an endangered species of sea horse and a moray eel. He looks vicious, but he’s not.

Then on to East Beach, where a river flows into the sea. There there’s a stage, beach chairs, tiki bar, and huts made of grass and bamboo, and opportunities for underwater exploration in the river .

After that, we’ll hit the Dragon Skybar for drinks and dancing.

We’ll conclude our tour at the welcome center on the western shore, which offers glorious views of the sun setting across the ocean. Be sure to pick up a souvenir of your visit to Pele.

There’s a beautiful waterfall just past the welcome center. Be sure to visit it.

I ask you to stay close, for the terrain can be dangerous and so can some of the sea creatures. Please respect the vegetation and wildlife, and please, please, please, don’t litter. Just today I realized someone had thrown a tire in the river. I’ve not yet had time to fish it out.

Flash photography is permitted.

After the tour, feel free to enjoy the land. We ask only that you not enter my private residence, the House of 1000 Pleasures, which sits at 300 meters, or the home of my friend Chrissy Broadway, at 450 meters.

I should warn you dragons frequently come to Pele to play and, ahem, mate, in the lava. Don’t be frightened if you see one, but for reasons which I hope are obviously, it’s not wise to stand directly in front of a dragon!

And now, on with the tour!

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