Written 9 January, 2007
My breakdown, if you’ve not figured it out yet, was about me having to reconcile myself to the fact that a Second Life relationship is all I’m ever going to get.
I’m an in-for-a-penny, in-for-a-pound sort of girl, and that was a hard pill for me to swallow. But Sweetie’s boundaries have been made clear to me from the first—even if they had not been stated explicitly—and I respect and will respect them.
And it was about her boundaries that I had to have my little meltdown.
It’s a good thing I did, for Sweetie and I had a talk last night. I cried, but I was emotionally ready for it. I’m so glad I had my little breakdown in private time-- even if I have shared it publicly via this blog.
It was a healthy talk. Our relationship has been pushing both of our triggers, and it was important to reaffirm our love for one another at the same time as talking about boundaries.
I seem to have no boundaries, so far as this relationship is concerned. But I will respect and support Sweetie’s, however she may define or hopefully redefine them.
We’re both afraid, understandably so. Of loving and it not working out, perhaps. Or being in a relationship, perhaps. Of being vulnerable, certainly. Of change. Of love.
Love is a primal and fearsome thing.
I did NOT come to SL for a relationship. I had shut that part of me down, had kept it dormant for many years.
Now I find myself not only in a relationship, but engulfed by it.
So please excuse me if I freak out every once in a while.
But I’m okay. Please don’t worry about me. My life is fine, and so is my emotional state. I just had to have a little tete-a-tete with myself, and it happens that I had it in this space. I have a lot of pleasant blogs already written. I will survive.