Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Crazy In Love

Written 5 January, 2007

Chey’s Breakdown

I. Crazy in Love

I always wanted to be wise.

When I was younger, people thought me anything but.

Now I’m generally regarded as a sage.

Funny. They tell me I’m different. I haven’t changed.

Most people grow more cautious as they grow older.

Not me.

Rather, I’ve learned to read things, and people, and most of all myself, and to trust my heart and to go for what I know to be true without waffling, hedging, or hesitation.

In my heart, I know things for what they are and accept them for what they are.

I certainly know love when I see it.

I knew early early on that my sweetie was all I wanted in life—second and first.

And I knew that even if I were lucky enough to win her in Second Life, I could never have her in the first.

As much as I might want it.

That’s why I’ve been such an emotional mess.

That’s why I burst out crying in the takeout line at Folks restaurant.

I’m already rehearsing the inevitable day when Sweetie finds what she needs in her first life.

And she will go, and I will have to let her go.

Because when Sweetie finds her self-confidence, she will soar like a dragon, and the world will be at her feet.

I’m sure we’ll still be friends until her first life gets so busy she has no time for Second Life. I make a great friend. But sooner or later, she’ll be gone. And I’ll be alone again.

I like to think I’m a good lover, too. Sweetie tells me I am.

And I know, I know I would be a kind and considerate and loving and thoughtful and supportive and dedicated and hard-working partner in a first-life relationship.

And I know, I know, I know Sweetie and I are not going to happen.

However, however did a bunch of electrons exciting phosphors on a screen make me into such an emotional mess?

I’m so crazy in love I can’t stand it.


Photo: Emotional train wreck

1 comment:

Sorcha McConachie said...

Oh Chey! I feel for you. I know exactly what you are feeling. It's wonderful and crazy and amazing and heart-breaking. Sometimes I think I can't stand it. And other times I wonder how I lived without it! Thank you for this post. It helps to know other people know how this feels.