Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Bob Saga: X: The Interview

Written 5 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

X: The Interview

Sleezy Spinoza: Welcome to Treet TV's morning show. Our topic today: robot rampage narrowly avoided on the Whimsy Sims. Our guest today is Cheyenne Palisades, who had a close call. Hi, Cheyenne. Welcome.

Cheyenne: Thank you Sleezey. Hi, Neelix. Long time no see.

Neelix Nesselrode: Welcome, Cheyenne. I don't think we've seen you since--


Sleezy: I believe since back in 2007 at Sweetie's trial.

Cheyenne: No, no, you showed up in June when I announced my candidacy for CEO of Linden Lab. And back in the summer of 2008, Sleezy covered our donut conspiracy caper.

Neelix: Oh, yes, that's right! Tell us about the riot up at the robot lockup. And we understand you're missing something valuable.

Cheyenne: Yes, our Bob was stolen.

Sleezy: That would be your--

Cheyenne: Giant drinking bird, yes.

Neelix: When did you realize Bob was gone?

Cheyenne: I was up at the robot sanatorium when the power went off. The patients on 110 VAC stopped in their tracks. Even our patients with power packs are fragile. A R2 unit with robobsessive disorder went off the chain, worrying about its battery running down. A Robbie Model XII was crying "Danger! Danger, Cheyenne Palisades!" Robbies often suffer from robacluophobia-- robotic fear of the dark.

Gort Makes a Poor Light Source
Gort tried to use his laser beam to make some light. That wasn't a good idea, as he cut through the bars of the Hall 9000 Memorial Detention Facility for the Robotically Criminally Insane and Eyegor got out. Eyegor hates humans. I would have been done for, but for all of his huge eyeball, he's legally blind. I managed to sneak past him and talk Rosie into giving me a ride to the surface on her med sled. I went immediately to check on Bob. He was gone!

Sleezy: We understand he generates power for your land.

Cheyenne: Yes, he's the power source for six sims. He's the original perpetual motion machine. You just get his beak wet and stand back.

Neelix: We hear your partner, Sweetie, is an accomplished energy scientist.

Cheyenne: Yes, she's the world's foremost authority on drinking bird theory. Bob is what attracted her to Whimsy in the first place.

Sleezy: You and your mysterious partner Sweetie discovered Bob during a--

Cheyenne: Yes, a routine teleportation accident. We were dumped onto Whimsy, which had been vacant for centuries and was more than a bit run down. We don't know much about the original inhabitants, only that they left when the volcano goddess Pele had a particularly violent eruption.They had to leave Bob because he was so heavy he kept sinking their outriggers. We were so enamored of Bob that we decided to recolonize Whimsy and declare it an independent Nation-State.

Neelix: And now your giant granite mascot and power source is missing.

Cheyenne: Yes, and we think stolen. Bobnapped.

Sleezy: Bobnapped! That's chilling!

Cheyenne: The Linden police have been ineffectual-- they're running around arresting newbies-- so many, in fact, that it's having an impact on concurrency.

Neelix: Why newbies?

Cheyenne: They don't know how to teleport away.

Sleezy: We understand you were initially a suspect.

Cheyenne: Yes, but when the Lindens took a good look at my account and saw how much money I'm sending them every month, they looked elsewhere fast.

Neelix: Has there been a ransom demand?

Cheyenne: Not yet, but we've been getting... postcards.

Sleezy: Postcards?

Cheyenne: It's better than body parts. We just received another. I'll do a press conference with you as soon as we finish the interview.

Neelix: How coincidental. I find I haven't any more questions. You, Sleezy?

Sleezy: Nope. Can't think of a single one. This interview is concluded.

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