Sunday, June 13, 2010

Cheyenne Palisades Announces Her Candidacy for CEO of Linden Lab

Candidate Cheyenne Palisades' Press Conference at Texas Capitol Steps


Many thanks to the ever-effervescent Sweetie, who was instrumental in the writing of the blog post.

Written 13 June, 2010

Cheyenne Palisades Announces Her Candidacy for CEO of Linden Lab

This is Neelix Nesslerode here, formerly of Linden Public Television.

And this is Sleezy Spinoza still with Linden Public Television. Neelix, you are SUCH a traitor!

Folks, I'm now with the Resident's Resistance Movement. We're fighting the war against Linden aggression!

Whatever. Both of us are here because avatar Cheyenne Palisades is expected momentarily to announce her candidacy for CEO of Linden Lab.

Sleezy, as you know, Ms. Palisades has been tough but fair in her criticism of the Lab.

I think she's been more than a bit over the top, Neelix.

You're drinking too much of that Linden Kool-Aid, Sleezy.

Neelix, you know full well Linden Lab doesn't sell beverages-- nor does Kool-Aid market their products in virtual worlds. You're in double danger of trademark violation.

Whatever, Sleezy. I'm only an alt. Can we get back to the subject?

Ms. Palisades has been especially harsh in her attacks on the Lab in regard to reversing and then re-reversing and then re-re-reversing their pricing on homestead and openspace sims.

Yes, Sleezy. And she was furious at the proposed draconian XStreet policies.

I wouldn't call the Lindens draconian, Neelix.

I wouldn't either if I were full of Linden talking points. Besides, I don't believe the rumors the Lindens have trademarked the word draconian. Back to the subject?

Back to the subject, Neelix. Word on the grid is Ms. Palisades will be announcing--

Wait, Sleezy! There she is! But who's that introducing her?

The first of 100 alts of 100 laid-off Lindens. It'll be an hour or more before she gets to speak.

We'd like to take a minute now for a word from our sponsor.


Hi, folks! XStreet Xander here. Why hop around the grid when you can shop from the convenience of your home? Come to SLExchange. Sorry, XStreet, soon to be SL Marketplace, and buy furnishings for your 512 Linden home. Because everyone needs a 117-prim parcel full of sculpties. Now back to our program.


Neelix, I believe Ms. Palisades is about to speak.

The following is a transcript of Ms. Palsades speech.

Hi there, everybody, and welcome to Whimsy. Thanks for coming.

I know there's been a lot of speculation about me running for CEO of Linden Lab. I've given it a lot of thought, and I've consulted with my Sweetie, and I've decided Second Life (TM) needs me.

Will someone poke those 40 bots over there? They're supposed to applaud at every paragraph break!

What are my qualifications? Well, I'm a four-year resident of Second Life (TM). This is my home. I'm not an immigrant from the world of high finance like SOME people I could name. I'm a native.

My background is in psychology and special education. I hold a master's degree. I have experience both as a civil servant and as the founder and Executive Director of a national 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation. I know how to make an organization work. And I know what the residents of Second Life (TM) want. Someone poke those bots!

My first thought for my platform was to promise an end to the many things that have been bothering us for years. I was going to promise immediate and effortless transition between sims. No flying off into the distance, no blue zoning, no getting logged out, just an imperceptible transition. I was going to promise an end to the twenty-five group limit, to 10-meter maximum prim size, to the 15,000 per sim prim limit. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized leadership of this community, of this company, is about more than competence. It's about community. It's about understanding at the most basic level just what Second Life (TM) is.

No other virtual community is as rich as Second Life (TM). No World of Warcraft expansion pack can match this world for depth and variety of communication and shared experience. No social networking site can equal Second Life for self-expression, for beauty, for immersion. Nowhere else can people from all over the world meet in shared virtual space and explore and experience and create-- or act silly-- together. This virtual world gives us the opportunity to come together in significant, impactful ways that are simply impossible in our first lives. It gives us the gift of being more than human, or a new kind of human, and that must not be disrespected.

I am not at all sure my worthy incumbent opponent understands this.

This world must have money to continue-- and yet that money is available, in the form of tier hundreds of thousands of us pay-- more than $8,000,000 annually, as much as 90% of the Lab's income! That might not seem like a lot to my opponent, who, the internet tells me, is worth more than $200 million, but it means a lot when it comes to buying servers and paying the Lab's utility bills. Many of us give more to Linden Lab than we do to the electric company, the gas company, the phone company, the cable company. We provide the capital that can ensure Second Life's (TM) longevity, and for that we should be respected and treated with courtesy. We should not be looked upon as a necessary evil, not as a means to turn Second Life into a dumbed-down, browser-based simplification of itself, nor as funders for new company directions that abandon us in hopes of becoming a second-rate copy of Facebook or Twitter. It is our money that pays the light bills for Linden Lab, our dollars and Euros and Yen that pay the million dollar salary of my worthy opponent.

I remind you we pay something quite akin to taxation without representation. We are listened to only on the most rudimentary levels. We're not consulted about decisions that will effect us. And we are utterly and hopelessly enslaved to Terms of Agreement that are periodically and unilaterally modified to reduce our rights and ownership of this world. This is no longer a world created and owned by the residents. It is a world created by residents in thrall to Linden Lab. I want to make it once again a world both created and owned by its residents.

We are NOT customers. We are not clients. We are citizens, and Linden Lab must treat us as such. If you elect me, I will listen to you. I will consult you. And I will give you say in company decisions that will affect you. And I'll work for a while lot less than SOME executives I could name.

We could leave this world and jump to other worlds like OpenSim. Some of us already have, and others will in the future. But a mass exodus would divide us and set community and individual enterprise back years. We are invested in this world not only financially, but socially and emotionally. We have friends and lovers here. We have businesses and homes here. It's HOME.

In recent years, Linden Labs has seen our investment in this world as a quirk, and an asset, and a resource to be exploited as my worthy opponent explores business models that trivialize or exclude us. I think my opponent's biggest disconnect is his inability to understand on a gut level why we create, why we care, why we belong here. I see our creativity, our community, our entrepreneurship, and not the quarterly report, as the heart of this world. I understand the best way for Linden Lab to more forward is to respect Second Life (TM) for what it is and to let it grow and change organically, and not to try to force it to become something it is not and cannot be. And because I do understand this, I am the better choice for CEO of Linden Lab.

I appreciate your support. Please turn out at the polls and vote for me.

Wait a minute! There ARE no polls! Where are the polls? They promised us polls! Okay, I'm setting up one myself!

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