Written 22 May, 2007
The United States of America vs. Sweetie
Neelix Nesselrode: Neelix Nesselrode here.
Sleezy Spinoza: And I’m Sleezy Spinoza This is Linden Public Television.
Neelix Nesselrode: We’re outside the Linden District Court, covering the trial of the avatar Sweetie No Last Name.
Sleezy Spinoza: That’s right, Neelix. And the jury is now in deliberations.
Neeliz Nesselrode: Yes, they’ve been at it for hours. We just saw deliverator Hiro Protagonist pull up in his Cosa Nostra pizzamobile, so it looks like they’ll be at it for a while.
Sleezy Spinoza: What do we know about this jury, Neelix?
Neelix Nesselrode: The foreman is the avatar Imsonotanalt Blazer.
Sleezy Spinoza: Lots of speculation about the human behind this av. And it’s forewoman, in this case.
Neelix Nesselrode: I liked you better before you joined NOW. And yes, lots of speculation. It could be anyone.
Sleezy Spinoza: Anyone. Some think it’s Sweetie herself.
Neelix Nesselrode: Yes. The FBI is suspicious because the Forewoman is always forgetting her shoes. A team of Feeb experts is examining her typing patterns to try to establish her identity. So far they’ve not been able to rule Sweetie out. But neither have they been able to rule out Diva, the prosecutor. My money’s on her.
Sleezy Spinoza: Some think it’s Ms. Palisades.
Neelix Nesselrode: Even though she says Dakota is more alt than she can handle..
Sleezy Spinoza: In fact, the entire jury might be composed of alts of Sweetie, or Ms. Palisades, or Diva.
Neelix Nesselrode: That’s a scary thought.
Sleezy Spinoza. That’s Second Life for you.
Neelix Nesselrode: There’s quite a crowd here outside the courthouse.
Sleezy Spinoza: Yes there is. And they could all be alts, too. Especially that large contingent of ex-not-girlfriends of Avatar Spock.
Neelix Nesselrode: Oh, they were a vicious bunch!
Sleezy Spinoza: Worst catfight I ever witnessed!
Neelix Nesselrode: Uh-oh. I’m getting a signal in my headset that the jury has reached a verdict.
Sleezy Spinoza: Folks, it seems we have a decision in the United States of America vs. Sweetie. We’ll be back with the verdict after this two-week fundraising drive.
Neelix Nesselrode: Outside the Linden District Courthouse, I’m Neelix Nesselrode.
Sleezy Spinoza: And I’m Sleezy Spinoza. And this is Linden Public Television.
Neelix Nesselrode: Have you ever thought of how much you get from Linden Public Television?
Sleezy Spinoza: There’s Gross Terry and her Fresh Hair and All Things Considered Virtual and Linden Marketplace.
Neelix Nesselrode: We bring you the best in classical music.
Sleezy Spinoza: The Object Talk guys, Link and Copy.
Neelix Nesselrode: Simulator Home Companion, with Garrulous Keyboard.
Sleezy Spinoza: The best news coverage, fair and balanced.
Neelix Nesselrode: No, that’s Fox News. Fair and balanced.
Sleezy Spinoza: LMAO.
Neelix Nesselrode: ROFL.
Sleezy Spinoza: Bill O’Reilly sucks ass.
Neelix Nesselrode: And that’s an official LPT position.
Sleezy Spinoza: So send us your Lindens so we can continue to provide the best in music, news, and entertainment.
Neelix Nesselrode: Volunteers are standing by to take your pledge.
Sleezy Spinoza: We depend on your support.
Neelix Nesselrode: Join at the Patron of the Airwaves level and you’ll get this great Linux t-shirt.
Sleezy Spinoza: Join at the Fanatical Supporter level and you won’t have to take the t-shirt.
Neelix Nesselrode: Let’s light up those IM boxes. Make your pledge now.
Sleezy Spinoza: Consider the alternative.
Neelix Nesselrode: Yes. That bastard Bill O’Reilly.
Sleezy Spinoza: That made the board light up!