Thursday, May 17, 2007

VII. The Rakehell's Damning Testimony

Written 15 May, 2007

The United States of America vs. Sweetie

VII: The Rakehell's Damning Testimony

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Good evening, Mr. Rakehell.

Randy Rakehell: ...

Imsonotadiva Bartlett:
Mr. Rakehell!

Randy Rakehell: Sorry. In hot IM with my ward. Didn’t hear you. Good evening to you.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I'm a faithful reader of your blog.

Randy Rakehell: You’ll be in it.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Just to establish your credentials, you are the Queen's Own Rakehell?

Randy Rakehell: Yes I am.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And how did you come to hold that position?

Randy Rakehells: Rakehells do not kiss and tell. Although I am working on a book, The Road to Rakehell.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Mr. Rakehell, Dakota Burns testified earlier that she holds a master’s degree from Oxford University. (This portion of Ms. Burns’ testimony was a victim of the sim rollback).

Randy Rakehell: I heard that.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what do you think about that?

Randy Rakehell: I try not to think about it.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And why is that?

Randy Rakehell: I consider it suspect.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns’ degree, or Oxford?

Randy Rakehell: Well, both, actually, but in particular Ms. Burns’ purported degree.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And why is that, Mr. Rakehell?

Mordecai Scaggs: Ms. Burns posted pictures of Oxford in Ms. Palisades’ blog. But they weren’t pictures of Oxford. I have my doubts she went to England at all. Mostly likely she was cavorting around in the Second Life bars.

Dakota Burns: Objection, Your Honor! Speculation!

Judge Camper: Sus^%$+*&)(*&

Judge Camper is offline.

Judge Camper is online.

Judge Camper is offline.

Judge Camper is online.

Judge Camper: Damn hotel connection! Sustained.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns can’t object! She’s a witness!

Dakota Burns: Chey can object because she’s assisting Sweetie. And Chey and I are controlled by the same human, so yes, I can object. And I do object.

Judge Camper: Sustained. Let’s move on, Counselor, before I have to relog again.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: The photos weren’t of Oxford?

Randy Rakehell: No. That wasn’t the Bodlean Library. I live just down the street, so I'm certain. Off in the bars, I tell you.

Judge Camper: The jury will disregard the last remark.

Randy Rakehell: I have no more questions for this witness.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Hey, I’m supposed to say that!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I have no further questions for this witness.

Randy Rakehell: We’ve not done it in the engine room yet.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: ???

Randy Rakehell: Sorry. That was meant for the IM box. I’m in conversation with my ward. And now my fiancĂ©e.

(Everyone in the courtroom applauds the engagement.)

Dakota Burns: (Can contain herself no longer.) Suspect! Suspect! My degree from Oxford is suspect? I’ll have you know I was there an entire week!

Judge Camper: Order!

Judge Camper: Say, Ms. Burns, where did your blue hair go?

Dakota Burns: I still have it. I’m back to my natural blonde color for now, though.

Judge Camper: And why is that?

Dakota Burns: Because I have a not-date with a pretty Italian boy. Right after court.

Dakota Burns: Free Sweetie! Free Sweetie! Free Sweetie!

(The courtroom erupts to cries of Free Sweetie!)

Judge Camper: Order! Order! Oh, that the hell! It’s time for happy hour at the Sphynx. This court will reconvene on Monday morning at eight am.

Cheyenne Palisades: Linden time?


Mordecai Scaggs said...

O my sister, what are you like? I laughed till tears rolled down my face! Am I really that bad? :)

Sis, you have a superb wit,and this is a wonderfully written courtroom drama. I still don't know how it will end. Will Sweetie be freed, will true love win out, or will the evil TSA press for her de-rezzing? I await the next instalment with bated breath! Now if you will excuse me, I have a hot fiancee waiting for me in engine room....

Kacy Despres said...

*smooths her hair and wipes a smudge of engine grease off her arm*

Well done Chey, this just keeps getting better and better. Yet again you have thrown me into a giggle fit in my cubicle :)

Cheyenne Palisades said...

Thanks so much, brother and sister-in-law. I'm having such a fun time with this blog.

No, M, you're not that bad. I'm just trying to uphold your rep as a demon rakehell.