IV: Dakota's Damning Testimony, Part One

Plaid. We Can Show This Because
Prosecutor Imsonotadiva Bartlett
Introduced Exhibits 3-1003;
This is Exhibit 687

Written 11 May, 2007

The United States of America vs. Sweetie

IV: Dakota’s Damning Testimony, Part One



Imsonotadiva Bartlett: State your name.

Dakota Burns: You scripting? If so, you’re gonna have a syntax error. Should be state your_name. You have to use the underline, you see.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Please, Ms. Burns, state your full name.

Dakota Burns: Dakota Millicent Burns.

Cheyenne Palisades: Millicent?

Judge Camper: (A rustle of whispers goes around the courtroom.) Order! Order in the court!

District Court Judge Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for ten minutes. You have now earned $8L. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court Casino.

Red ‘Sploder: Dakota Burns has entered the ‘splode. Payout in 300 seconds.

Red ‘Sploder: Judge Camper has entered the ‘splode. Payout in 292 seconds.

Red ‘Sploder: Judge Camper is not in the area. He has been dropped from the ‘splode.

(Silence)

Judge Camper: Sorry. Had to reboot. Hey! Get out of my chair!

Dakota Burns: Well, you weren’t using it. No sense letting $2L go to waste!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns—

Dakota Burns: I’m pissed. Nobody, but nobody knew my middle name.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You are aware of the relationship between Cheyenne Palisades and the Defendant?

Dakota Burns: Yes. They’re pre-engaged.

Judge Camper: Pre-engaged?

Dakota Burns: They’ve not signed any papers or anything, or committed to doing so, so pre-engaged about says it, doesn’t it? Say, I can look right up your skirt. You’re not wearing underwear.

(There is a five minute recess as Prosecutor Bartlett goes to New Citizens Plaza to pick up a box of free undergarments).

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: We were talking about Ms. Palisades and Sweetie. They have an exclusive sexual relationship?

Dakota Burns: Yes. I can’t get either one of them to fool around with me. I’m sure of it.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And you are an alt of Ms. Palisades?

Dakota Burns: Judge Camper, do I have to answer that?”

Judge Camper: Yes you do.

Dakota Burns: Yes I am. I’m an alt. But we’re nothing alike. We’re two separate people.

Imsonotadiva: (Scoffs.) I’m sure you are. But you are operated by the same person. Remember, you’re under oath.

Dakota Burns: (Sullenly.) Yes. I suppose.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Describe your relationship with Avatar Spock.

Dakota Burns: We’re friends.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And before that?

Dakota Burns: We’ve always been friends.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And have you been anything other than that?

Dakota Burns: Yes.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what was your former relationship with Avatar Spock?

Dakota Burns: We, uh, we used to not-date.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Not-date? Would you please explain?

Dakota Burns: This is private stuff.

Judge Camper: Please answer the question, Ms. Burns.

Red ‘Sploder: Mordecai Scaggs has entered the ‘splode. Payout in 147 seconds.

Dakota Burns: We did all the stuff people do on a date, but it wasn’t a date. It was a not-date because Avatar Spock said it was.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You went out?

Dakota Burns: Yes we did.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And where did you go?

Dakota Burns: To the Sphynx Jazz Club.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Let the record show that the Sphynx Jazz Club is a hookup—

Judge Camper: Watch it, Counselor!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Sorry, Your Honor.

Judge Camper: The Sphynx is a classy place. You be careful.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Yes, Your Honor. Let the record show the Sphynx Jazz Club is a dance club that features a romantic setting and various dance and kiss pose balls. Many avatars go there on dates.

Judge Camper: So noted.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what did you do at the Sphynx Jazz Club, Ms. Burns?

Dakota Burns: We chatted. And IMed.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what else did you do?

Dakota Burns: We danced.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, are you familiar with the Bits and Bobs animation Slow Dance Type 3?

Dakota Burns: Yes I am.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Will you describe that animation, Ms. Burns?

Dakota Burns: There’s like a pink ball and a blue ball. You jump on them. Sometimes I like to jump on the blue balls just to mess with peoples’ heads. But that night I was on the pink.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And who was on the blue ball?

Dakota Burns: Avatar Spock.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And in this animation were you dancing closely?

Dakota Burns: We were.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And in this animation, did you lay your head on his shoulder?

Dakota Burns: I did.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And then what happened?

Dakota Burns: We danced some more. And finally we went home.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Home?

Dakota Burns: To the Dragon Skybar. It’s where I work.

Red ‘Sploder: Exploding.

Red 'Sploder: Red ‘Sploder pays $147L to Judge Camper.

Sweetie: It’s fixed! The ‘Sploder is fixed! TSA bastards!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what did you do there?

Dakota Burns: We danced some more.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what dances are at the Dragon?

Dakota Burns: A waltz, a ballroom dance, a couple of tangos.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And the infamous Slow Dance Type 3?

Dakota Burns: And that one too.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And did you dance on that poseball with Avatar Spock?

Dakota Burns: I did.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And then what happened?

Dakota Burns: We logged off.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Are you aware, Witness Burns, of any other pose balls at the Dragon?

Dakota Burns: There’s a kiss along the outside wall.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And?

Dakota Burns: On the balcony rail is Devotion.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And have you ever been on that pose ball, Ms. Burns? Devotion?

Dakota Burns: Yes I have.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And were you on the pose ball that night with Avatar Spock?

Dakota Burns: No, I was not.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And were you ever on the Devotion poseball with him?

Dakota Burns: No. And not on any other poseball besides dancing.

Judge Camper: The witness will limit herself to the question asked!

District Court Judge Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for ten minutes. You have now earned $10L. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court Casino.

Dakota Burns: No I won’t! I have never kissed or done anything inappropriate with Avatar Spock. Never! Never!

Judge Camper: Miss Burns—

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: It’s all right, Your Honor. I’m nearly finished with this witness.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I would like to introduce into the record at this time a transcript of an instant message conversation between Ms. Burns and Avatar Spock, dated from April of this year.

Dakota Burns: I object!

Judge Camper: You can’t object, Ms. Burns!

Dakota Burns: The eff you say! I object!

Judge Camper: Miss Burns!

Dakota Burns: (Shouts). I object, I object, I object!

Judge Camper: The Bailiff will please gag this witness.

Dakota Burns: I’ll cut him!

Sweetie: Nice katana, Dakota!

Judge Camper: Order! Order!

Sweetie: (Calls out.) I'll have a ham on rye. You know, I've always wanted to be able to say that. But seriously, that jail food is terrible! My waist has gone from slider no. 14 to slider no. 8 just in the week I’ve been there!

Judge Camper: But you look fit.

Sweetie: I’ve been working out on virtual gym equipment. Want to see my jailhouse tats?

Judge Camper: This court will now go into recess. I will see the Defendant in my chamber.

Cheyenne Palisades: No you won’t! Not unless I’m present!

Judge Camper: Court will reconvene at 3:45 pm.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your Honor, can we make that tomorrow morning? Some idiot has just pasted me with a thousand textures. They’re all over the screen. It will take me hours to close them and get my view back. :(

Cheyenne Palisades looks innocent.

Judge Camper: Very well, then. Court will reconvene at 8 am tomorrow. Where’s my gavel?

Sweetie: (Brightly.) It’s stuck up your ass, Your Worshipfulness.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ewww, and they’re all plaids! Every one of them!

Cheyenne Palisades: Eight o’clock. Is that Linden time?