Tuesday, May 15, 2007

V. Dakota's Damning Testimony, Part Two

Written 14 May, 2007

The United States of America vs. Sweetie

V: Dakota’s Damning Testimony, Part Two

Bailiff Merlin: Thiscourtisnowinsessionallriseforjudgecamper

Judge Camper: You may sit. This court is now convened. Prosecutor Bartlett?

(Imsonotadiva Bartlett leers in the direction of Dakota Burns, who is handcuffed and gagged and struggling against her bonds).

Sweetie: That’s a nice animation, Dakota. Where did you get it?

Cheyenne Palisades: I saw one just like it at the Xcite! store.

District Court Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for 10 minutes. You have now earned $72. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court casino.

Cheyenne Palisades: Goodness gracious, Judge! Did you stay in that chair all night?

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your Honor, I would like this file of a Chat Log entered into the record as Exhibit A and published to the jury.

Judge Camper:
So noted.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Since Ms. Burns has chosen not to cooperate with this court, I will now use my Defense Department Version Babbler to mimic her.

Judge Camper: So noted.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, will you please tell us the nature of this transcript?

xDakota Burns:
It’s a record of IMs between myself and Avatar Spock, you beautiful avatar, you.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And where did it come from?

xDakota Burns: Avatar Spock sent it to me.

xDakota Burns:
Gee, you’re so pretty and smart. (The real Dakota Burns struggles furiously with her bonds).

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Will you please read beginning from the place marked?

xDakota Burns: I would be happy to. I admire you so much.

xDakota Burns: 2:52:01: Avatar Spock: I love you.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Continue, please.

xDakota Burns: Your eyes are the perfect color!

xDakota Burns: Continuing to read, it says 2:54:03 Dakota Burns loves you too.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, do you love Avatar Spock?

Cheyenne Palisades: (Remarks to Sweetie) In IM, Dakota is telling me she hates Diva’s effing guts.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I heard that! Your honor, will you please silence Cheyenne Palisades?

Judge Camper: Oh, lighten up, Diva.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I am SOOO not a diva! (Giggles from spectators across the courtroom).

District Court Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for 10 minutes. You have now earned $74. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court casino.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, I repeat—do you love Avatar Spock?

xDakota Burns: Yes I do, pretty lady.

Dakota Burns: (Has somehow worked her gag loose. She is crying.) Yes! Yes I do. But I never touched him. Never! No Devotion! No kisses! Nothing!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your Honor, I’m through with this witness for now. I request permission to recall her.

Judge Camper: So noted. Cross?

Cheyenne Palisades: You want to do this, Sweetie?

Sweetie: No, hon. You know her better than I do. You do it.

Cheyenne Palisades: I’m not so sure I do, but I’ll give it a try.

Cheyenne Palisades: Ms. Burns, you have said you didn't go beyond dancing with Avatar Spock. Is that true?

Dakota Burns: Yes, it’s true. You know it’s true!

Cheyenne Palisades: And did you want to?

Dakota Burns. Yes I did. And so did he.

Cheyenne Palisades: And did you?

Dakota Burns: No, we didn’t.

Cheyenne Palisades: And why is that?

Dakota Burns: Because I respect your relationship with Sweetie, and I would never jeopardize it.

Dakota Burns: And because Avatar Spock is faithful to his real life wife and would never jeopardize it. That’s why we were living together in Chrissie Broadway’s skyb—OMG! Please forget I said that! I so did NOT mean to say that!

Cheyenne Palisades: It’s okay, Dakota. The prosecutor would have bought it out anyway. Just tell us in your own words.

Dakota Burns: You see, Avatar Spock and I decided to become platonic boyfriend and girlfriend.

Cheyenne Palisades: And why was that?

Dakota Burns: Because that way we wouldn’t be getting hit on. We would be dancing partners, and that’s all.

Cheyenne Palisades: And you never kissed him.

Dakota Burns: No. Never.

Cheyenne Palisades: Thank you, Dakota. That was my last question.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Redirect, your honor.

District Court Camping Chair: You have been logged off the chair for inactivity. Please stand and select sit again to resume.

Judge Camper: Dammit! Second Life sent me AFK! I was typing in IM! I wasn’t away.

SL bug, Your Goodlookingness.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Miss. Burns. Millicent.

Dakota Burns: Don’t you dare call me that, you floozie!

xDakota Burns: Please disregard my last remark. I was out of my mind on drugs.

Dakota Burns: Stop that, you anorexic!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: When you and your er, platonic boyfriend formed your relationship, where were you living?

Dakota Burns: I was homeless.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And where was Avatar Spock living?

Dakota Burns: He was homeless too.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Please speak up.


Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And after you became platonic not-lovers, were you homeless?

Dakota Burns:
(Looking at her garish purple and white stockings). No.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And was Avatar Spock homeless?

Dakota Burns: You know he wasn’t.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And why was that?

Dakota Burns. You know full well why. We made arrangements to buy Chrissie’s skybox, since she wasn’t using it.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: To live there.

Objection, Your Judgeship! Leading the witness! That wasn’t a question!

Judge Camper: Sustained.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: To do what?

Dakota Burns: To not-live there.

District Court Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for 10 minutes. You have now earned $2. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court casino.

Dakota Burns: /33 Mute District Court Camping Chair.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You mean to live there.

Dakota Burns: I mean to NOT live there.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your honor, I would like to enter this snapshot into the record as Defense Exhibit B.

Judge Camper: Done and done.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, do you recognize the object in that picture?

Dakota Burns: Yes.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Are you sure?

Dakota Burns: Yes, I’m sure.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, what is that object? Please speak up.

Dakota Burns: It’s Chrissy Broadway’s nasty sex bed.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: A nasty sex bed?

Dakota Burns: Yes.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And exactly where is that bed?

Dakota Burns: I’m sure I don’t know. It's been a while since I saw it.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Let me rephrase that. Where was the nasty sex bed when you and Avatar Spock become not-boyfriend and not-girlfriend and decided to not live in Chrissy Broadway’s skybox?

Dakota Burns: (In a small voice.) It was in Chrissy’s skybox.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You’re excused, Ms. Burns.

Cheyenne Palisades: Redirect, Your Honor!

Cheyenne Palisades: Ms. Burns, I would just like to clear up something for the jury. Did you in fact buy Ms. Broadway’s skybox?

Dakota Burns: I did not.

Cheyenne Palisades: And why didn’t you?

Dakota Burns: Because it was non-transfer.

Cheyenne Palisades: I see. And why was it non-transfer?

Dakota Burns: Because Chrissy had lost the previous two.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Hearsay, Your Honor.

Judge Camper: Sustained.

Cheyenne Palisades: But you didn’t buy the Skybox?

Dakota Burns: No. She couldn’t sell it to me.

Cheyenne Palisades: So you and Avatar Spock never moved in? So you never not-lived there?

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Leading, Your Honor!

Cheyenne Palisades: Did you and Avatar Spock ever move in?

Dakota Burns: No, we didn’t. Because we couldn’t buy it.

Cheyenne Palisades: Thank you, Ms. Burns. That will be all.

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