Written 14 May, 2007
The United States of America vs. Sweetie
V: Dakota’s Damning Testimony, Part Two
Bailiff Merlin: Thiscourtisnowinsessionallriseforjudgecamper
Judge Camper: You may sit. This court is now convened. Prosecutor Bartlett?
(Imsonotadiva Bartlett leers in the direction of Dakota Burns, who is handcuffed and gagged and struggling against her bonds).
Sweetie: That’s a nice animation, Dakota. Where did you get it?
Cheyenne Palisades: I saw one just like it at the Xcite! store.
District Court Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for 10 minutes. You have now earned $72. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court casino.
Cheyenne Palisades: Goodness gracious, Judge! Did you stay in that chair all night?
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your Honor, I would like this file of a Chat Log entered into the record as Exhibit A and published to the jury.
Judge Camper: So noted.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Since Ms. Burns has chosen not to cooperate with this court, I will now use my Defense Department Version Babbler to mimic her.
Judge Camper: So noted.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, will you please tell us the nature of this transcript?
xDakota Burns: It’s a record of IMs between myself and Avatar Spock, you beautiful avatar, you.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And where did it come from?
xDakota Burns: Avatar Spock sent it to me.
xDakota Burns: Gee, you’re so pretty and smart. (The real Dakota Burns struggles furiously with her bonds).
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Will you please read beginning from the place marked?
xDakota Burns: I would be happy to. I admire you so much.
xDakota Burns: 2:52:01: Avatar Spock: I love you.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Continue, please.
xDakota Burns: Your eyes are the perfect color!
xDakota Burns: Continuing to read, it says 2:54:03 Dakota Burns loves you too.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, do you love Avatar Spock?
Cheyenne Palisades: (Remarks to Sweetie) In IM, Dakota is telling me she hates Diva’s effing guts.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I heard that! Your honor, will you please silence Cheyenne Palisades?
Judge Camper: Oh, lighten up, Diva.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I am SOOO not a diva! (Giggles from spectators across the courtroom).
District Court Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for 10 minutes. You have now earned $74. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court casino.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, I repeat—do you love Avatar Spock?
xDakota Burns: Yes I do, pretty lady.
Dakota Burns: (Has somehow worked her gag loose. She is crying.) Yes! Yes I do. But I never touched him. Never! No Devotion! No kisses! Nothing!
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your Honor, I’m through with this witness for now. I request permission to recall her.
Judge Camper: So noted. Cross?
Cheyenne Palisades: You want to do this, Sweetie?
Sweetie: No, hon. You know her better than I do. You do it.
Cheyenne Palisades: I’m not so sure I do, but I’ll give it a try.
Cheyenne Palisades: Ms. Burns, you have said you didn't go beyond dancing with Avatar Spock. Is that true?
Dakota Burns: Yes, it’s true. You know it’s true!
Cheyenne Palisades: And did you want to?
Dakota Burns. Yes I did. And so did he.
Cheyenne Palisades: And did you?
Dakota Burns: No, we didn’t.
Cheyenne Palisades: And why is that?
Dakota Burns: Because I respect your relationship with Sweetie, and I would never jeopardize it.
Dakota Burns: And because Avatar Spock is faithful to his real life wife and would never jeopardize it. That’s why we were living together in Chrissie Broadway’s skyb—OMG! Please forget I said that! I so did NOT mean to say that!
Cheyenne Palisades: It’s okay, Dakota. The prosecutor would have bought it out anyway. Just tell us in your own words.
Dakota Burns: You see, Avatar Spock and I decided to become platonic boyfriend and girlfriend.
Cheyenne Palisades: And why was that?
Dakota Burns: Because that way we wouldn’t be getting hit on. We would be dancing partners, and that’s all.
Cheyenne Palisades: And you never kissed him.
Dakota Burns: No. Never.
Cheyenne Palisades: Thank you, Dakota. That was my last question.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Redirect, your honor.
District Court Camping Chair: You have been logged off the chair for inactivity. Please stand and select sit again to resume.
Judge Camper: Dammit! Second Life sent me AFK! I was typing in IM! I wasn’t away.
Sweetie: SL bug, Your Goodlookingness.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Miss. Burns. Millicent.
Dakota Burns: Don’t you dare call me that, you floozie!
xDakota Burns: Please disregard my last remark. I was out of my mind on drugs.
Dakota Burns: Stop that, you anorexic!
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: When you and your er, platonic boyfriend formed your relationship, where were you living?
Dakota Burns: I was homeless.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And where was Avatar Spock living?
Dakota Burns: He was homeless too.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Please speak up.
Dakota Burns: HE WAS HOMELESS TOO!
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And after you became platonic not-lovers, were you homeless?
Dakota Burns: (Looking at her garish purple and white stockings). No.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And was Avatar Spock homeless?
Dakota Burns: You know he wasn’t.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And why was that?
Dakota Burns. You know full well why. We made arrangements to buy Chrissie’s skybox, since she wasn’t using it.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: To live there.
Sweetie: Objection, Your Judgeship! Leading the witness! That wasn’t a question!
Judge Camper: Sustained.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: To do what?
Dakota Burns: To not-live there.
District Court Camping Chair: You have just earned $2L for sitting in the camping chair for 10 minutes. You have now earned $2. Be sure to spend your Lindens at the District Court casino.
Dakota Burns: /33 Mute District Court Camping Chair.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You mean to live there.
Dakota Burns: I mean to NOT live there.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your honor, I would like to enter this snapshot into the record as Defense Exhibit B.
Judge Camper: Done and done.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, do you recognize the object in that picture?
Dakota Burns: Yes.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Are you sure?
Dakota Burns: Yes, I’m sure.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Ms. Burns, what is that object? Please speak up.
Dakota Burns: It’s Chrissy Broadway’s nasty sex bed.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: A nasty sex bed?
Dakota Burns: Yes.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And exactly where is that bed?
Dakota Burns: I’m sure I don’t know. It's been a while since I saw it.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Let me rephrase that. Where was the nasty sex bed when you and Avatar Spock become not-boyfriend and not-girlfriend and decided to not live in Chrissy Broadway’s skybox?
Dakota Burns: (In a small voice.) It was in Chrissy’s skybox.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You’re excused, Ms. Burns.
Cheyenne Palisades: Redirect, Your Honor!
Cheyenne Palisades: Ms. Burns, I would just like to clear up something for the jury. Did you in fact buy Ms. Broadway’s skybox?
Dakota Burns: I did not.
Cheyenne Palisades: And why didn’t you?
Dakota Burns: Because it was non-transfer.
Cheyenne Palisades: I see. And why was it non-transfer?
Dakota Burns: Because Chrissy had lost the previous two.
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Hearsay, Your Honor.
Judge Camper: Sustained.
Cheyenne Palisades: But you didn’t buy the Skybox?
Dakota Burns: No. She couldn’t sell it to me.
Cheyenne Palisades: So you and Avatar Spock never moved in? So you never not-lived there?
Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Leading, Your Honor!
Cheyenne Palisades: Did you and Avatar Spock ever move in?
Dakota Burns: No, we didn’t. Because we couldn’t buy it.
Cheyenne Palisades: Thank you, Ms. Burns. That will be all.
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