Enter Sweetie

Written 31 May, 2007

Enter Sweetie

As soon as I showed Sweetie the new House of 1000 Pleasures, she knew it wasn’t quite fabulous enough for her.

And so it’s back in inventory as Sweetie begins work on a new pleasure palace for us.

We’ll call it the House of 2000 Pleasures.

While she’s working on it, I may slide the one I made into place; it really is getting crowded in 1000.

All those pose balls!

Revamping the House of 1000 Pleasures

Written 24 May, 2007

Revamping the House of 1000 Pleasures

Sweetie and I love our House of 1000 Pleasures, the genteely-renamed Chinese Whorehouse I bought from Myles Cooper for $200 Lindens.

It’s a beautifully textured house of ill repute, and it has served us well—but lately we’ve been realizing we don’t really need the bottom floor, and could use a little more room on the second. You know, so there will be room for all of those poseballs.

And so last night I rezzed a copy directly on top of the original (I put it in the exact same X and Y coordinates), moved it up 50 meters, unlinked it, and began moving the pieces around.

I had to abandon my first attempt, since I erased the second floor and then realized we needed the screen windows that were there.

And I had to delete my second attempt, since I forgot to include a door.

But the third time was the charm.

I took out the bottom floor (except for the wall with the door), lowered the top floor into place, and then added a meter to the height of the ceiling. Then I moved the back walls 9.5 meters backward and stuck in new wall sections (you gotta love copyable houses!), making the house nine meter deeper. And I removed the roof tiles and added a nice black marble housetop which matched the floors.

And it was ready to move in.

Or so I thought.

New Hair

Chey and her Mystikal BubblePony in Dark Brown

Chey and Rain in DirtyWhite from Gurl6

 Chey and Mystikal Chiko in Chocolate

Chey and Mystikal GrownOut in Black

Written 31 May, 2007

New Hair

Since my second week in Second Life my hairdo has been Mystikal's BubblePony in Dark Brown. It just suits me.

I've bought a dozen hairstyles over the months, but have never really worn any of them.

Now I've found four a like. I will wear the short styles (both from Mystikal), and the longer Rain from Gurl6.

I like Rain a lot, but the way the flexi parts move isn't so great at times and a lot of times I see myself half-bald when I look at myself from a distance. I may replace it, but if I do, it will be for something very similar.

But I will for sure keep my BubblePony.

Still, I'd like to hear your comments.

View from Forgotten Legends

Written 31 May, 2007

View from Forgotten Legends

Here's a view of Pele from Forgotten legends, the next sim over from Forsaken (to the east and north). I took it at a skybox owned by a new friend, Daz-- uh-oh. Was looking up his last name, but guess I didn't add him as a friend. Oops!

Anyway, enjoy the shot.

Pose Ball Joke

Written 31 May, 2007

Pose Ball Joke

We were kidding aroundwhile drumming, and one thing let to another, and well, I just had to go create a big pile of fake poseballs.

I publish these pictures to show I'm better these days at making fake poseballs.

It's a good skill to have.

Giant Sculptie

Written 31 May, 2007

Giant Sculptie

Last night my old friend Dodgeguy Woodward sent me a little gift.

It was an object called World's Biggest Apple.

You got it. It was a 40-meter apple made of two sculpted giant prims.

What is Second Life coming to?

LOL

Thanks, DG!

One-Prim Dolphins

Written 31 May, 2007

One-Prim Dolphins

Sweetie IMd me night-before-last, all excited. She had a surprise for me. She sent me a teleport assist.

I arrived on a tiny island with a vendor and a large gray capsule. It looked rather like a 10-foot all-metal Contac capsule. But the capsule soon resolved into a flawless silver-colored dolphin.

Sweetie bought a six-pack for Pele, and now we have a pack-- school? pod? dollop? of dolphins jumping and swimming in the lagoon at our place.

I have a single swimmable dolphin-- well, actually, you just latch onto its dorsal fin with one hand-- that weighs in at about twenty prims. The entire school of sculpted dolphins weighs in at twelve prims-- and that's only because there has to be a prim for each dolphin which serves as an anchor as they swim in circles or jump.

The sculpties I've seen so far have a monochrome appearance. I'm sure that's because people haven't yet figured out how to overlay a texture so things match up. When they do, watch out!

Thanks, sweetie, for a fabulous present!

Ruthed Boof

Written 31 May, 2007

Ruthed Boof

Here's a bonus for you-- a ruthed Boofhead Oh.

In Second Life, avatars get ruthed with some regularity. It's a peculiarity of the viewer, a perpetual problem. You show up looking like a newbie.

There's a workaround-- rebake textures, then go in and out of Appearance-- that sometimes works, but sometimes it doesn't Not everybody sees the ruth, either, just as usually no one but you sees it when your shoes and hair get stuck up your...

Why ruthed? I suspect it may allude to the sexologist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, since when one is ruthed, one is short, dumpy, and... you get the point.

Anyway, bonus shot of ruthed Boof.

Music at Pele

Drumming at the Beach

Drumming in the Rain

Jesse Prior Pulls Out an Instrument He Plays in Real Life

Written 31 May, 2007

Music at Pele

No, not live streaming music, and not internet radio, but music 'sure nuff.

Sweetie sprang for a set of Robbie Ding's elven drums and a gamelan, which is a sort of Indonesian string and percussion band. This set has only percussion instrument-- think a collection of exotic xylophones-- and they sound great with the drums. The drum set has gongs and a rain tube that can be played by anyone, even when they're sitting at a gamelan or a drum.

There are lots of gamelan instruments and lots of drums, so as many as a dozen people can play music at Pele now-- fourteen, maybe, as Sweetie has a didgeridoo and maracas.

We've put the ensemble on a giant prim rock of blue coral in the Pele Gardens, and have had several long sessions with friends. The sound is mezmerizing, and we tend to just space out as we play, jumping from instrument to instrument and changing patterns with the build-in controllers.

I've had Outy Banjo's rain maker for a while, and it finally decided to work. Now I (and maybe anyone) can type Rain On near the blue rock and there will be a pleasant shower. Last weekend a group of us played in the rain as the sun set over the ocean to our west.

Another great Second Life experience!

Sunset With and Without Windlight II

Sunset With and WIthout WindLight

Changing Skies

Written 31 May, 2007

Changing Skies

Here are some differerent WindLight skies. There are gonzo many controls to change the way things look.

Oh, Those Sunsets!

Everything looks different in Windlight

Chey and Boofhead Oh in Windlight at Pele

Written 31 May, 2007

Oh, Those Sunsets!

Innovations are coming fast to Second Life these days. Sculpties are now on the main grid, sound is supposedly around the corner, and now we will be getting fancy skies.

It's called WindLight, and it's already in the First Look viewer, which can be downloaded on the Second Life website.

WindLight adds remarkable detail to and control of the skies.

I could go all geeky on you, but let's just look at a few photos. Next few blogs will show matched photos, before and after windlight.

SL Opera

The Most Interesting Part of Attending the Opera was Seeing This Geezer With His Signs

Second Life Opera

Written 27 May, 2007

SL Opera

So, anyway, my new friend Lehua sent me an invitation to the opera and I went.

I have to say, a lot of things translate well to Second Life, but I found the opera lacking in significance.

Maybe it was just that I couldn't operate the IBM chair very well. And certainly the movement of the avatars was well-rehearsed and coordinated. But it mostly looked like avatars standing on a stage, and when they did move, I found it difficult to relate to the movement of other avatars. I left in the middle of the second act.

So here's to those who do Second Life opera. It can't be easy.

Second Life Opera

Written 27 May, 2007

Second Life Opera

As a nominally cultured person, I've been to operas before-- but Friday marked my first opera in Second Life.

I got an invitation from my new friend Lahua Lamington, who came to Pele last week. Lahua is from the Big Island in Hawaii, and had some nice things to say about Pele-- the volcano goddess, not the volcano, although she had nice things to say about the volcano anyway.

What the heck, I'll just talk about that and blog about the opera another time.

We've been making jokes about Pele demanding the sacrifice of the occasional virgin. Lahua told us Pele instead likes to be treated with respect and kindness and isn't bloodthirsty at all-- although she can get almighty angry.

So maybe we'll cut it with the virgin jokes.

Never could find a virgin, anyway.

The New Dragon Skybar

Written 27 May, 2007

The New Dragon Skybar

I've reworked the Dragon Skybar for the second time in a month; maybe this time I got it right

It's much bigger now, with an open front, and the patio is huge, with sitting and dancing areas. Inside is the disco, with flashing lights, gambling machines, and dance poles and tables-- and the bar, of course.

Sweetie has already come up with two dozen ways to improve it, and improve it we shall-- but I know the cloth canopy will stay, for there are two girls who like to make out up there.

Just a Reminder

Written 27 May, 2007

Just a Reminder

Just so readers will remember, here's how bad my avatar looked after our high flights.

We made it through this. We'll be fine.

Don't Press This Button!

Written 26 May, 2007

Don't Press This Button!

Okay, so there's this space station thingie hanging in the air at 600 meters or so. It's visible from the Dragon Skybar, and I had to check it out.

There was this big button on the platform, and, like my trampoline well, it pretty much warned me not to touch it.

Of course, that made me want to touch it. And of course I touched it.

But I wanted a witness. And so I talked Sweetie into going with me.

And I pressed the button. Of course.

Here's what happened.

Sweetie is true blue. She is staying with me, even though I'm twisted and contorted beyond all measure.

I love my Sweetie.

This is what love should be like. We love one another even when our young, thin, nubile, beautiful avatars fall apart.

Which happened when we flew high. (Reminder Photos in next post).

Sweetie is nursing me through this, feeding me virtual chicken soup and helping me stretch my contorted muscled. She's a star.

My Sweetie.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

24 May, 2007

What's Wrong With This Picture?

When Sweetie and I were shopping the other night we saw this ad. We think it's great that an amputee is being used for a high-fashion sales sign.

Slutting Around

Written 24 May, 2007

Slutting Around

For a while now, Sweetie has been threatening to buy new skin and hair and revamp her look.

I love my Sweetie’s look, but after all she’s been through—the trial and all—who could blame her?

I knew she was close to breaking loose, for ever time I’ve seen her lately, she’s been wearing different eyes—and twice she’s had no eyes at all, which is discomfiting—although the first time it happened I thought she was just wearing a lot of kohl. But no, no eyes, just black sockets.

First shoes, now eyeballs. That’s my Sweetie!

Last night started out innocently enough. We decided to do a little shopping. We went to a mall, bought a couple of outfits, and then I took Sweetie to Gurl6.

Gurl6 has about a million hairstyles, and is way slow to rez, even for those with good video card. Sweetie has been there—in fact, her everyday hairstyle comes from Gurl6—but this was the first time she was really able to see the place. She immediately began collecting sample hairdos in order to winnow down the huge selection.

I’ve been to Gurl6 many times, but this was the first time we actually got asked if we wanted assistance. A very nice saleslady whose name I don’t remember did her best to help us. I actually bought the stylish updo she was wearing, (Sweetie has been looking for a swept-back style, but this one didn’t suit her), and a long style called Rain. Sweetie bought a short hairdo in an assortment of Dakota-like colors, and a beautiful long hairdo with exquisite multi-colored texturing.

Earlier, at the mall, Sweetie had talked me into buy an open-front skirt-and-stocking outfit way risqué for Cheyenne. After Gurl6, she twisted my arm until I put it on (all right, all right, it didn’t take much arm-twisting), and she pull an equally outrageous outfit from her inventory. We put on smutty pumps, attached our new hair, and went to Caledoa to shock Mordecai and Kacy.

We missed Mordecai by seconds, but Kacy was there, resplendent in a formal. It took us about thirty seconds to convince her to tart herself up. Then, our mission accomplished, Sweetie and I went clubbing.

I’ve not been night-clubbing since my before-Sweetie days, and just about every jump from the Clubs folder in my Landmarks took me to a vacant field, a private home, a busy highway, or the bottom of a river.

But Sweetie had meanwhile been busy, IMing her friend and former building client, G.P., who has about a billion poseballs and knows every sleazy club in Second Life (both admirable traits, by the way, she took us around to clubs he had landmarked for her.

The first club was peopled (avatared?) by Germans, most of whom were camping on dance pads, but we found a nice kiss and did some heavy making out.

Then she took us to some clothing-optional sumo joint, where every pose ball we tried caused us to perform cunnilingus or intercourse. Be sure to ask Sweetie about “Kitty Style.” My personal nonfavorite featured one female pose ball and a dozen male pose balls. Fukake or something. Please don’t ask me about it.

We got hit on by IM, but as we have eyes only for one another, we finished our tour of the pose balls and zipped back to the House of 1000 Pleasures to wind up a strange but pleasurable night.

Keeping Pele

Written 24 May, 2007

Keeping Pele

When it came right down to it, we just couldn't take Pele down.

Just couldn't do it.

And so Sweetie and I will be staying on the Forsaken sim, happily tweaking Pele.

Our thanks to Aldo Zond, who made us a great deal on a half sim of his land, but we just couldn't do it.

When it came right down to it, Pele was home.

XV. Notices and Credits

Written 23 May, 2007

This post is the result of another late night telephone collaboration between Cheyenne Palisades and her Sweetie.

The United States of America Vs. Sweetie

XV. Notices and Credits

Notice: No alts were harmed during the conduct of this trial. All captured alts were ultimately released. As for the alts we created, they have formed the Alt Liberation Army, an all-alt version of the Second Life Liberation Army, dedicated to the proposition that all avatars are created equal. In other words, they refuse to be considered "secondary" in any sense.

Notice: Haliburton is suing Pele Productions because they made no profit from this trial. “We reserve the right to make money from anyone at any time.” They reminded us of their motto: “Haliburton: Because we care.”

Notice: Pele Productions is an inclusive organization. We do not discriminate on the basis of furry species, vampire status, or non-humanoid or cartoon body form. We have a capture and release program for non-repentant Goreans; we put them back in the wild where they belong.

Notice: No giant prims were used in the making of this production.

Retraction: Giant prims were used in the construction of prop prim breasts.

Clarification: It was a pair of 40 meter spheres.

-----

Sweetie played herself.

Cheyenne Palisades was played by Salma Hayek

Dakota Burns was played by Christina Ricci

Judge Camper was played by Doug Streeter

Imsonotadiva Bartlett was played by Kacy Despres

Avatar Spock was played by Gene Wilder

Aldo Zond was played by Hugh Grant

Imsonotanalt Blazer was played by Kacy Despres

Jurors 1-11 were played by Doug Streeter

Randy Rakehell was played by Kevin Spacey

Neelix Nesselrode was played by Armando Frangili

Sleezy Spinoza was played by Leaf Shermer

Transitauthority Linden was played by Mordecai Scaggs

Transitauthority Oh was played by Doug Streeter

Processerver Revillo: Stargazer Blazer

Baliff Merlin: DavidNC Merlin

Court Transcription and Prim Breast Consultant: Melissa Yeuxdoux

Crowd Outside Courthouse: Doug Streeter

Cast of Thousands: Doug Streeter

Unscrupulous Hot-Dog Vendor: Doug Streeter

Hysterical Club Dance: Chrissy Broadway

Voice for Scripted Objects: James Earl Jones

Best Boy: Doug Streeter

Key Grip: Doug Streeter

Dolly Grip: Doug Streeter

Dentugrip: Doug Streeter

Catering: Doug's Prim Yummies

Driver (Pele Set): Doug Streeter

Driver (Courthouse Set): Doug Streeter

Helicopter Pilot: The Late Aaron Volmer

Personal Assistant to Sweetie: Channel Liberty

Personal Assistant to Ms. Palisades: Peter Stindberg

Set Design: Sorcha McConachie

Courtroom Artist: Greg Paslong

Hair: Gurl6

Security: BreathofG8d Onmura and the Dragon Council

Ms. Palisades' Wardrobe was provided by PixelDolls’ $50L Sale

Sweetie’s Shocking Bustier was provided by Chaospire

Doug Streeter’s Wardrobe was provided by The Noobie Store

Audio Recording: “T.B.” Martin

-----

I Fought the Law and the Law Won, written by Sonny Curtis, performed by the Bobby Fuller Four.

The Law is For the Protection of the People, written and performed by Kris Kristofferson.

Postcards from Richard Nixon, written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, performed by Elton John.

America, written and performed by Tracy Chapman.

Not Ready to Make Nice, written and performed by the Dixie Chicks.

Are You Proud of America? Written by Ralph Stanley, performed by The Clinch Mountain Boys.

The Times, They Are A'Changin', written and performed by Bob Dylan.

America, performed by Gloria Gaynor

Volcano, written and performed by Jimmy Buffett

Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore, written and performed by John Prine

-----

Soon to be a major motion picture directed by Michael Moore.

-----

This is Imsonotadiva Bartlett! I see now how this was rigged! It was all set up to make me fail! I swear on my left breast, I’m going to bring this case back to trial! Or better yet, I’ll skewer you all in my new book, “Defending the Homeland: The Case Against Sweetie.” I’ll see you on the pundit circuit!

XIV. The Verdict

Written 23 May, 2007

The United States of America Vs. Sweetie

XIV. The Verdict

Judge Camper: Ms. Forewoman, has the jury reached a verdict?

Imsonotanalt Blazer: We have, Your Honor.

Jurors 1 -11: (In chorus.) We have NOT, you Honor.

Judge Camper: Wha's going on here?

Imsonotanalt Blazer: We have a bunch of cowards who are waffling at the last minute. The brilliant performance of prosecutor Bartlett has convinced us all.

Jurors 1-11: (In chorus.) No it hasn’t!

Imsonotanalt Blazer: She’s so stylish, and so articulate We all love Prosecutor Bartlett!.

xImsonotanalt Blazer: I’m going to sit down and shut up now.

Imsonotanalt Blazer: Who said that? That wasn’t me! Objection, your honor!

xImsonotanalt Blazer: I’m a blithering idiot!

Cheyenne Palisades: (To Sweetie.) Stop that!

Sweetie: hehehe.

Judge Camper: I declare a mistrial.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: We’ll refile! We’ll bring you to justice yet, you, you, you… free spirit, you!

Judge Camper: This court is adjourned. Where’s my gavel?

Sweetie: In it’s usual place. Up your… Say, Judge, you look good as a female!

Judge Camper: You think so? Some guy has been hitting on me. He said he's been trying for months to with you but has had no luck. I told him I’m a guy, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Cheyenne Palisades: LOL

Judge Camper: I’m only a female because I found I can make more money. No more camping chairs for this girl. Just tricks, tricks, tricks! Say, can you direct me to the XCite! store?

Sweetie: So I can teleport without shoes now?

Judge Camper: I think you’re out of danger. Public opinion has been three-to-one in your favor. Diva won’t pursue this case. She’s off after easier game. She’s heading The United States versus TSA Personnel in Favor of Sweetie’s Tweaking, and, after that, Avatar Doe against Left Prim Breast.

Sweetie: Oh, my! I imagine there’s some history in that case!

Judge Camper: Oh, yes. It seems it fell out of an overhead storage bin during flight and bounced around the sim, doing extensive damage to property and psychological unhinging three avatars who saw the plaintiff with only one prim breast. Diva may actually win that one.

Processerver Revillo: Cheyenne Palisades?

Cheyenne Palisades: Yes.

Processerver Revillo: Consider yourself served. (Disappears.)

Sweetie: I like his poof.

Cheyenne Palisades: Oh, my!

Sweetie: What is it, hon?

Cheyenne Palisades: It seems the federal government is instituting an embargo against Pele.

Sweetie: This is Diva’s doing!

Cheyenne Palisades: It’s moving us one step closer to war with the U.S.

Sweetie: The U.S. doesn’t understand who it’s dealing with.

Cheyenne Palisades: With all the troops out of the country in Iraq and Afghanistan, we could probably stage a successful invasion, using alt troops.

Sweetie: They don’t realize we have the secret watermelon gun weapon!

XIII. The Jury Deliberates

Written 22 May, 2007

The United States of America vs. Sweetie

XIII: Deliberations

Neelix Nesselrode: Neelix Nesselrode here.

Sleezy Spinoza: And I’m Sleezy Spinoza This is Linden Public Television.

Neelix Nesselrode: We’re outside the Linden District Court, covering the trial of the avatar Sweetie No Last Name.

Sleezy Spinoza: That’s right, Neelix. And the jury is now in deliberations.

Neeliz Nesselrode: Yes, they’ve been at it for hours. We just saw deliverator Hiro Protagonist pull up in his Cosa Nostra pizzamobile, so it looks like they’ll be at it for a while.

Sleezy Spinoza: What do we know about this jury, Neelix?

Neelix Nesselrode: The foreman is the avatar Imsonotanalt Blazer.

Sleezy Spinoza: Lots of speculation about the human behind this av. And it’s forewoman, in this case.

Neelix Nesselrode: I liked you better before you joined NOW. And yes, lots of speculation. It could be anyone.

Sleezy Spinoza: Anyone. Some think it’s Sweetie herself.

Neelix Nesselrode: Yes. The FBI is suspicious because the Forewoman is always forgetting her shoes. A team of Feeb experts is examining her typing patterns to try to establish her identity. So far they’ve not been able to rule Sweetie out. But neither have they been able to rule out Diva, the prosecutor. My money’s on her.

Sleezy Spinoza: Some think it’s Ms. Palisades.

Neelix Nesselrode: Even though she says Dakota is more alt than she can handle..

Sleezy Spinoza: In fact, the entire jury might be composed of alts of Sweetie, or Ms. Palisades, or Diva.

Neelix Nesselrode: That’s a scary thought.

Sleezy Spinoza. That’s Second Life for you.

Neelix Nesselrode: There’s quite a crowd here outside the courthouse.

Sleezy Spinoza: Yes there is. And they could all be alts, too. Especially that large contingent of ex-not-girlfriends of Avatar Spock.

Neelix Nesselrode: Oh, they were a vicious bunch!

Sleezy Spinoza: Worst catfight I ever witnessed!

Neelix Nesselrode: Uh-oh. I’m getting a signal in my headset that the jury has reached a verdict.

Sleezy Spinoza: Folks, it seems we have a decision in the United States of America vs. Sweetie. We’ll be back with the verdict after this two-week fundraising drive.

Neelix Nesselrode: Outside the Linden District Courthouse, I’m Neelix Nesselrode.

Sleezy Spinoza: And I’m Sleezy Spinoza. And this is Linden Public Television.

Neelix Nesselrode: Have you ever thought of how much you get from Linden Public Television?

Sleezy Spinoza: There’s Gross Terry and her Fresh Hair and All Things Considered Virtual and Linden Marketplace.

Neelix Nesselrode: We bring you the best in classical music.

Sleezy Spinoza: The Object Talk guys, Link and Copy.

Neelix Nesselrode: Simulator Home Companion, with Garrulous Keyboard.

Sleezy Spinoza: The best news coverage, fair and balanced.

Neelix Nesselrode: No, that’s Fox News. Fair and balanced.

Sleezy Spinoza: LMAO.

Neelix Nesselrode: ROFL.

Sleezy Spinoza: Bill O’Reilly sucks ass.

Neelix Nesselrode: And that’s an official LPT position.

Sleezy Spinoza: So send us your Lindens so we can continue to provide the best in music, news, and entertainment.

Neelix Nesselrode: Volunteers are standing by to take your pledge.

Sleezy Spinoza: We depend on your support.

Neelix Nesselrode: Join at the Patron of the Airwaves level and you’ll get this great Linux t-shirt.

Sleezy Spinoza: Join at the Fanatical Supporter level and you won’t have to take the t-shirt.

Neelix Nesselrode: Let’s light up those IM boxes. Make your pledge now.

Sleezy Spinoza: Consider the alternative.

Neelix Nesselrode: Yes. That bastard Bill O’Reilly.

Sleezy Spinoza: That made the board light up!

XII. Sweetie's Closing Remarks

Written 22 May, 2007

The United States of America Vs. Sweetie

XII. Sweetie’s Closing Remarks

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I stand here before you, accused.

Accused of what?

Accused basically of not wearing shoes.

Accused of making a scanning machine beautiful.

Accused of being skeptical of a cynical attempt by the office of an illegally-seated President to use the insecurities of Americans to strip them of their civil liberties.

Accused of scorn for Teleport Tom.

Accused of not supporting that President’s insane foreign policies.

Accusing of not conforming!. Of having my own sensibilities! Of having fun in my Second Life!

Well, you know what? I’m guilty of all those things. Every one of them! So find me guilty if you must. Send me to the federal pen. But I guarantee you, if you do, I’ll make it the most beautiful penitentiary in the world, all arches and grace! And I’ll pump myself up on the exercise machines there so I can be a better nonconformist if and when I ever get out.

But why not send a clear message to the administration that you aren’t fooled by all this Patriot Act and invasion of Iraq nonsense. Find me not-guilty so I can do what I do best.

Tweak.

XI. Diva's Closing Remarks

Written 22 May, 2007

The United States of Amerivca Vs. Sweetie

XI. Diva’s Closing Remarks

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, the prosecution has definitely proven that the defendant, Not-Sweetie No-Last-Name is a menace to society and a danger to the aspirations of the President of the United States. She has refused to conform. She has questioned authority. She has worn that shocking bustier. She is that worst or all things, a true individualist, and you must—you must—convict her.

Thank you.

X. Sweetie Cross-Examines Aldo

Written 22 May, 2007

X. Sweetie Cross-Examines Aldo

Sweetie: Mr. Zond, do you often use disguises in your work?

Aldo Zond: I’m a triple-naught spy. Of course I do!

Sweetie: And did you use disguises in your surveillance of me?

Aldo Zond. I did.

Sweetie: And what guises did you take?

Aldo Zond: I disguised myself as a circling bird. And bloody boring it was, too. And once as a torii gate. And once as the pose ball Devotion, which I know is your favorite, and Ms. Palisades’.

Aldo Zond: Of course, the name tag over my head gave me away every time. I never did manage to get you and Ms. Palisades on me when I was Devotion. I’m sure I would have enjoyed watching you two make out!

Aldo Zond: I made all sorts of newbie alts, but I couldn’t get on the land because Cheyenne keeps the land blocked to avatars with no payment on file. And with what Tony Blair pays me, I couldn’t afford to sign up an army of alts. So the bottom line is I did my real spying as myself.

Sweetie: By exposing the Dutch Sex Club, did Ms. Palisades and myself do a public good?

Aldo Zond: Yes, you did. We can’t have the Dutch fornicating all over the place, now, can we?

Sweetie: And I didn’t actually orbit Mr. Streeter, did I?

Aldo Zond: No. He said another time, perhaps, and you didn’t do the deed.

Sweetie: And Ms. Palisades is here in this courtroom isn’t she, all fit and fine?

Aldo Zond: Yes, quite fit, from what I can see. And I can see quite a lot of her in that outfit.

Sweetie: And were there hordes of suspicious-looking avatars congregating on Pele to learn bomb-making?

Aldo Zond: I never saw a suspicious-looking avatar on Pele, just ordinary avs. But of course under the new guidelines every avatar is under suspicion, so maybe the answer to that is yes.

Sweetie: That’s what I wanted to hear you say. You’re excused, Mr. Zond. And we’ll still be friends, if you’ll just get rid of that absurd 000 tag over your head.

Aldo Zond: I just resigned from the Secret Service And I hereby relinquish my British citizenship. I am asking asylum in the independent nation-state of Pele.

Cheyenne Palisades: As Pele’s ambassador to the rational world and the United States, Pele grants you asylum, Mr. Zond.

Sweetie: Your Judgeship, the defense rests.

Judge Camper: You don’t plan to mount a defense?

Sweetie: I plan to mount mostly Cheyenne Palisades. I think I can defend myself adequately in my closing remarks.

Judge Camper: Very well. Court is adjourned until 8 am tomorrow.

Cheyenne Palisades: Is that Linden time?

IX. A Spy In Our Midst

Written 18 May, 2007

Note: Mr. Zond’s testimony has been translated with the help of Babbler 3.0, as his English is quite different from U.S. English and nearly incomprehensible to American ears. It’s all What are you like! And PMSL! And other things we don’t understand over here.

The United States of America vs. Sweetie

IX: A Spy in Our Midst

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your honor, we would like to call a surprise witness.

Judge Camper: I love surprises! I’ll bet it’s the gentleman with the plywood prim in place of his head!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: No you honor. That was the last witness. You weren’t paying a lot of attention, were you?

DISTRICT COURT FRUIT MACHINE ACCEPTS $3L FROM JUDGE CAMPER. TOUCH ME TO SPIN.

DISTRICT COURT FRUIT MACHINE PAYS JUDGE CAMPER $1L. PLAY AGAIN? Y/N.

Judge Camper: Y.

Judge Camper: Of course I was paying attention!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I call Aldo Zond to the stand.

Cheyenne Palisades: Also? You’re calling Also?”

Cheyenne Palisades: Sorry, Also. Typo.

Cheyenne Palisades: *Also

Cheyenne Palisades: ** Aldo

Cheyenne Palisades: Darn keyboard!

Sweetie: (To Cheyenne.) Why is he testifying for the prosecution? I thought he was your friend.

Cheyenne Palisades: He is my friend. I can’t believe this!

Sweetie: It doesn’t look good.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Please tell us your name.

Aldo Zond: Aldo Zond.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Mr. Zond, are you affiliated with the Teleportation Security Administration?

Aldo Zond: Yes I am. (A gasp runs around the courtroom.)

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: In what way, Mr. Zond?

Aldo Zond: I’m an agent of Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Rakehell Surveillance Division, loaned by my country to work with your TSA to identify and apprehend potential terrorists.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You are a double O agent?

Aldo Zond: Triple O. Licensed to kill 00 agents. And errant Rakehells.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And you work undercover?

Aldo Zond: Yes. I love working under the covers.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And you were assigned to keep an eye on Not-Sweetie?

Aldo Zond: And Ms. Palisades, yes.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: By who?

Aldo Zond: By whom.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Yes, that's what I said. By who?

Aldo Zond: By the Prince of Darkness himself.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Satan?

Aldo Zond: No. Dick Cheney. Although I have to say I’ve never seen Cheney and Satan in the same place at the same time.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And how did you infiltrate, Mr. Zond?

Aldo Zond: As much as I hate trivia—especially the US-biased trivia of Second Life—I forced myself to sit for hours in the chairs at the Wing Trivia Lounge, waiting for Ms. Palisades to show up. I ingratiated myself with Ms. Palisades. I worked up some scripts for her. I rented a house from her. I kissed her ass. She was most grateful.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And you recorded your conversations with her?

Aldo Zond: Indeed I did, using Outy Banjo’s Recording Script.

Judge Camper: Hey! I use that script! Do you have her Poofer Scripts?

Aldo Zond poofs.

Judge Camper: I love that! (Poofs.)

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: (Clearing her throat). And through Ms. Palisades, you kept an eye on Not-Sweetie?

Aldo Zond: I kept an eye on them both.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And did you see or hear Non-Sweetie engage in any subversive behavior?

Aldo Zond: Yes I did. Both she and Ms. Palisades were often scornful toward and derisive of the Teleportation Security Administration in general and Teleport Tom in particular. On May 8 I heard Not-Sweetie tell Ms. Palisades she had muted Tom’s security advisories—and this while we were in Condition Tom is Concerned.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And did you witness Non-Sweetie acting as an enemy combatant?

Aldo Zond: No, but I observed her several times in full ninja armor and once engaged in mock combat with Peter Stindberg, who we believe had been engaged to teach her martial arts. In fact, we believe all of Pele is a terrorist training camp.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And did Not-Sweetie violate the provisions of the Patriot Act?

Aldo Zond: Indeed she did. On the evening of April 17, I heard the defendant make disparaging remarks about the Commander-in-Chief.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: You mean President Bush?

Aldo Zond: Oh, no. His wife. Laura. Everyone knows she’s the power behind the throne.

Sweetie: I love librarians! I would never have said anything against her! I was talking about Rumsfeld!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And did you witness any acts of terror?

Aldo Zond: Yes, I did. On April 29, she orbited Ms. Palisades and threatened to orbit a new citizen named Doug Streeter, using a semi-legal device called the Mystitool. She said, and I quote, “Would you like to go high, Doug? Would you like to go really, really high?”

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Please tell the jury what orbiting is, Mr. Zond.

Aldo Zond: It’s an unauthorized push on an avatar. It sends her millions of meters into the sky.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And did Ms. Palisades give permission to be orbited?

Aldo Zond: No, she did not.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And this is a violation of the Terms of Service?

Aldo Zond: Yes it is. And there’s more.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Please tell us.

Aldo Zond: On the same day I witnessed the defendant collaborating with Ms. Palisades to make a well that pushes avatars more than 170 meters in the air.

Aldo Zond: And in January, the defendant flew with Ms. Palisades into restricted air space, 50 million meters over the land. We can only guess they were plotting some sort of terror act up there.

Cheyenne Palisades: Objection, Your Honor! Speculation! All we were doing was trying to figure out a way to create huge prims at that height and turn them physical so they would fall to earth and crush entire regions. It was all in fun!

Aldo Zond: In February, Not-Sweetie spearheaded the construction of a giant drinking chicken and a 60 meter roll of flying paper towels. The chicken worked for a few minutes, and then fell apart like a cheap clockwork toy. Had it not, we believe she would have set it loose upon the land, like a great chicken Godzilla. And had the giant prim propellers not kept snapping off, we believe she and Ms. Palisades would have flown that roll of towels over the land, claming to be looking for Aisle 6 to do a cleanup. That would have gotten them into a lot of restricted areas.

Cheyenne Palisades: (To Sweetie) Darn that bastard Martin’s ineptness! If that chicken had worked as planned, we would rule Dreamland by now!

Aldo Zond: And finally, Not-Sweetie and Ms. Palisade engaged in spy flights. I refer you to the infamous episode of the Dutch Sex Club. They managed to take quite explicit snapshots by using nefarious techniques of camera control that should be available only to Lindens. And we believe she persuaded Ms. Palisades to post one of those photographs on her blog—which, we understand, caused quite a sensation when her readers viewed it at work.

Aldo Zond: And need I remind you if the time she collaborated with the dragon BreathofG8d to buzz sex sims and frighten the avatars on the pose balls? And need I remind you where politicians are most likely to be found?

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: (Clicking on Chill Out pose ball) Your honor, the prosecution rests!

VIII. The Incident at the Teleport Hub

Written 17 May, 2007

The United States of America vs. Sweetie

VIII. The Incident at the Teleport Hub

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Will you please describe the incident at the teleport hub?

Sweetie: Objection, Your Blueyedness! What incident is Diva talking about?

Judge Camper: Oh, come on, Sweetie! Everyone knows what happened. It was in all the papers. What other incident could it be? Overruled.

Sweetie: (Pouting). I’ve been responsible for lots of incidents.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Why am I not surprised?

Sweetie: I have this bustier that predictably causes a riot whenever I wear it.

Judge Camper: Overruled, Sweetie. Unless you would like to show it to me.

Sweetie: I would like to enter my bustier as Defense Exhibit A. And my CFM pumps as Exhibit B.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your honor, objection!. The defense can’t enter evidence now. This is my witness.

Judge Camper: I’m not going to take a chance on her changing her mind. Overruled. Bustier is in evidence. Get back to your witness, counselor.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Mr. Linden, please describe the incident.

Transitauthority Linden: I was scripting. I know I’m not supposed to on duty, but it was a slow day. Hardly anyone was jumping. Then I became aware of the accused.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: What was she doing?

Transitauthority Linden: Nothing. She was just one hot avatar. And I became er, aware of her.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And she refused to take her shoes off at the security counter?

Sweetie: Objection, Your Sinatraness! I wasn’t wearing shoes. I never wear shoes!

Cheyenne Palisades: She forgets to put them on. I can vouch for that.

Transitauthority Linden: The rule says you have to take your shoes off. The fact that she wasn’t wearing any in no way excused her from that requirement.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: So the defendant refused to take off her not-shoes.

Transitauthority Linden: Yes she did.

Sweetie: How positively Piccardian this is! Not-shoes. Not-date.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Then what happened?

Transitauthority Linden: She began tweaking the textures of the main scanning device.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: This is a crime?

Transitauthority Linden: Of the highest order. Damaging Federal property.

Sweetie: I didn’t damage it, you idiot! I made it better! The verticals were out of alignment!

Judge Camper: You’ll get your turn to question this witness, Sweetie. And in that bustier, I hope!

Cheyenne Palisades: Your Honor, I move that the defendant not be addressed publicly as Sweetie.

NOTICE FROM TORLEY LINDEN: THIS REGION WILL RESTART IN FIVE MINUTES. GET YOUR ASS TO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Judge Camper: And why is that, Ms. Palisades?

Cheyenne Palisades: Sweetie is my private name for the defendant, Your Honor.

Judge Camper: And what would you have us call her?

Cheyenne Palisades: I don’t know. Just not Sweetie.

Judge Camper: Very well. Just-Not-Sweetie, you’ll get your turn to question this witness. In that provocative bustier.

Sweetie: I figured it would save time if I questioned him now.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: What happened when you approached the defendant about her not-shoes?

Transitauthority Linden: You mean Sweetie?

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: I mean Not-Sweetie.

Transitauthority Linden: She pulled out a Japanese sword and cut off my head.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: Your honor, I would like to introduce into evidence the head of Transitauthority Linden.

Transitauthority Linden: Hey! You said you would just take a picture of it and then I could have it back!

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: There’s a lot at stake here, Mr. Linden. You’ll get your head back eventually.

NOTICE FROM TORLEY LINDEN: THIS REGION WILL RESTART IN FOUR MINUTES.

Transitauthority Linden: I’ve never lost a head before. It’s not good for a Linden to lose his head. I could get fired for this.

Transitauthority Linden: Second. RL. Phone.

Transitauthority Linden: I was just fired.

TRANSITAUTHORITY LINDEN, YOUR GOD MODE POWERS HAVE BEEN REVOKED.

TRANSITAUTHROITY LINDEN, HENCEFORTH YOU WILL BE KNOWN AS TRANSITAUTHORITY OH.

Transitauthority Oh: Rats.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: What happened then?

Transitauthority Oh: We would have been in real trouble, but fortunately the parcel was full and she couldn’t materialize her heavy weaponry. She calmly finished texturing the scanning machine and then walked away.

NOTICE FROM TORLEY LINDEN: THIS REGION WILL RESTART IN THREE MINUTES.

Imsonotadiva Bartlett: And what did you do?

Transitauthority Oh: I filled out an enemy of the state form on her. And an enemy combatant form. And I alerted Teleport Tom and we went from Condition Happy to Condition Concerned.

Thank you, Mr. Oh. You may step down.

Cheyenne Palisades: Your honor, cross!

Cheyenne Palisades: I have just two questions for you, Mr. Oh.

Transitauthority Oh: Oh?

Cheyenne Palisades: That’s what I said. Mr. Oh.

Transitauthority Oh: Oh.

Cheyenne Palisades: Oh.

Transitauthority Oh: Oh!

NOTICE FROM TORLEY LINDEN: THIS REGION WILL RESTART IN NINETY SECONDS.

Cheyenne Palisades: And my first question for you is this…

Cheyenne Palisades: Did my Sweetie’s texturing result in any decrease in the efficiency of the scanning machine?

Transitauthority Oh: No. In fact, she added a cool scanning sound from Star Trek. Scares the shit out of terrorists. And newbie TSA agents.

NOTICE FROM TORLEY LINDEN: THIS REGION WILL RESTART IN FORTY-FIVE SECONDS.

Cheyenne Palisades: And here’s my second question—did the scanner look better after she tweaked it?

Transitauthority Oh: Oh, my, much better! It’s no longer an ugly gray metal box. Now it looks like a psychedelic flower. Or maybe art nouveau. Way cool. It’s one of a kind. The agents on the gates all fight over it.

Cheyenne Palisades: Thank you. (Starts to walk away, then gets a Perry Mason look). Oh!

Transitauthority Oh: That’s me.

NOTICE FROM TORLEY LINDEN: I REALLY LOVE TO RESTART THESE REGIONS AND MAKE EVERYONE SCURRY ABOUT. THIS REGION WILL RESTART IN FIFTEEN SECONDS.

Cheyenne Palisades: You don’t miss your head very much, do you?

Transitauthority Oh: I was sort of attached to it, but no, not so much. It wasn’t much of a head anyway. I’m using this .5 x .5 x .5 plywood prim as a replacement. Someone left it unattended at the teleport hub, and I got to it before they could blow it up. It’s sort of growing on me. I’m not even that mad at Diva for confiscating my other head.

YOU HAVE BEEN LOGGED OUT OF SECOND LIFE. PLEASE WAIT A FEW MINUTES AND TRY AGAIN.

Yes, It's For Sale

Written 19 May, 2007

Yes, It's For Sale

Yes, beautiful Pele is for sale.

So very much work has gone into the place, I'd love to sell it as is to some lucky person.

I'll work with the buyer to make sure everything works-- and all my nontransferrables will say on the land, so long as autoreturn isn't turned on. The only thing I'll be taking will be the House of 1000 Pleasures at 350 meters.

Some lucky avatar(s) will be able to have his or her or their own fiefdom, a wonderful paradise.

Or not. If it doesn't sell as a whole, the parcels will eventually be on the market.

-----

Why am I selling? Simply because I have a chance to get half a sim (3k more than I have) for some $80 US less per month.

Island Paradise For Sale!!!

Designed for fun and romance and friends, your tropical island paradise is waiting for you! Ready to move in, fully landscaped and furnished, lush, beautiful, meticulously detailed.

Fabulous tropical kingdom for sale. 29k+ sq m, 6796 prims, corner of low-lag Class V Dreamland Resiential sim. Private hideaways and public areas, stunning water and vegetation and sound effects, romantic nighttime lighting, property-wide TP system.

Active volcano with secret "under the volcano" area, lava flow, waterfalls, waves, beach camp, great tiki houses, lake, rideable train, lush underwater areas, walking paths, custom-designed Polynesian main house.

Buy for $299,000 (land only) or $399,000 (all transferrable objects, and nontransferrables can remain on land if you so wish. Seller will work with you to make sure everything goes smoothly. Your satisfaction is guaranteed!

FOR SALE, NOT FOR RENT! THIS ESTATE CAN BE YOURS!