IV. Software Hell
When Windows is finally installed and Bill Gates is satisfied that you have a legitimate copy, and after it has endlessly installed service packs and bug fixes from the Microsoft website, and after you have set and reset a hundred or so switches the fun really begins.
You must install an endless number of programs.
There’s anti-virus, anti-spam, and firewall software. I use Norton, and it likes to install, reboot, update, reboot, and update again. By the time all that happens, Ingrid Bergman will be leaving Casablanca and Bogie will be telling Claude Rains they’re going to have a beautiful friendship (and you just know they will).
Might as well install Ad-Aware and SpyBot to kill those annoying data-collection programs. And of course they need updating. And what’s this? Microsoft now has a spy killer of its own and it wants to update its definitions as well. Why not.
Should take a minute to flash the e-prom. Done. Set a restore point. Done. Make a copy of the Windows registry. Done.
Then there’s the software for your ISP. And Opera, which is a way better browser than Explorer. And Mosiac. And Netscape. Browsers all, and they all must be tweaked.
And the first website you visit asks you to install Java, or Flash, and, of course, you do.
Want to read that Word document? Install MS Office and talk to Bill Gates for validation.
Watch a video? You’ll need Quicktime. Fortunately, that comes with iTunes, which you will need to download so you won’t have to use the Microsoft program Windows Mediocre Player.
Want to zip a File? WinZip. Make a PDF? Adobe Acrobat. Get satellite images of your house? GoogleEarth. Play cards? Pretty Good Solitaire.
You’ll need to get your home network running again. That’s always fun.
And then there are all those programs you use regularly. Now where was it that you stuck all those CD ROMs so they would be close at hand?
Oh, and printer drivers. And you might as well update the video driver while you’re at it.
Wait a minute! Isn’t this where I came in?
Photo: Updated computer