Pele

Written 14 December, 2006

My Volcano

XV: Pele

Pele is the volcano goddess. Or, rather, she is the volcano goddess of Polynesia. Japan has its own volcano goddess, and perhaps there are other volcano goddesses as well. If not, there should be. Mount St. Helens definitely needs a goddess-in-residence.

As soon as I saw my volcano, I knew it had to have a goddess. Since the volcano’s island is tropical, Pele seemed the natural choice.

Pele is a hard-time goddess. She was chased across the South Pacific by her irate sister, fleeing from caldera to caldera, finally making her way to Hawaii. She is said to live in Mauna Kea, but I know she lives in Pele.

Pele is now the name of my land. Pele: Home of Pele the Volcano Goddess and Cheyenne Palisades. It would have been sooner, but it took me a while to realize I could name the property. Silly me, I thought the name would be assigned automatically by the Lindens.

Straightaway, I knew Pele would want sacrifices. Virgin sacrifices.

Do you realize how difficult it is to find a virgin on the adult grid?

I mean, it’s only theoretically possible.

Yet Pele must be appeased.

I’ve thought about offering myself to her, but I’m not sure if I qualify. It’s because of that thing I sort of did that time.

I’ve acquired a stone altar, which I’ll eventually place at the lip of the caldera, overhanging the bed of molten lava. I’m going to make, or have made, a pose ball that will ask any avatar lying on the altar’s stone table if he or she wishes to be sacrificed to Pele, the volcano goddess.

If the answer is no, nothing, of course, will happen. We don’t want unwilling sacrifices, do we? Consensual sacrifices only at Pale.

If the answer is yes, the av will be plunged into the frothing lava in the caldera. After four seconds, he or she will, regardless of sexual history or lack thereof, be spat out, catapulted onto the beach, and Pele will say (I’m thinking about having a sound file) “You’re no virgin!”

Should be a riot.

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Photo: Pele, New Pic

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Postscript for the Humor-Deficient
Yes, I believe in volcano goddesses—or, rather, I believe, like the pagans, like most of the people in olden days, that the Creator is closely associated with our grandmother Earth. I don’t think the Creator bears much resemblance to the malevolent male Jehovah of the Bible. The Goddess is the same deity, restored to her original gender after hijacking and forced sex change by the dead-white-male-God-people some thousands of years ago.

No, there won’t actually be sacrifices at the caldera. It’s a joke, son. I say—look at me when I’m talking to you, boy—it’s all in fun.

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Photo: Foghorn Leghorn. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy."