Saturday, December 30, 2006

I Get the S**t Scared Out of Me

Written 27 December, 2006

I Get the S**t Scared Out of Me
And Other Dodgeguy Stories

It was Christmas Eve, and I was furnishing the house. Just listening to the radio (reggae, all that comes in these days, but restful) and materializing furniture.

My sole concession to holiday decoration was the big animated snowman which I had placed on the beach, just outside the front door. For hours, it had been raising and lowering its top hat.

I was moving things about—which was a trick, because the house sits at an angle of 322 degrees—and, as might be expected, paying no particular attention to a yard decoration.

But wait! It seems to have moved!

OMG! The snowman is moving! It’s walking through the door! It’s come to get me!

No it hasn’t. It’s nametag says it’s Dodgeguy Woodward. And isn’t that the snowman over there, right where I left it?

Seems Dodge had seen my yard decoration and popped into snowman mode.

Dodgeguy is a laugh a minute. But Chey needs to change her underwear.


I was at the Moulin Rouge (the night club, not the brothel), flushed from doing the tango with my sweetie, when I got an Instant Message from Dodgeguy.

It seemed he had discovered a Mexican jumping bean on my property.

Well, not a jumping bean, but a .5 x .5 x .5 meter wooden cube that had found its way to 43 meters above the beach on my property and was hopping merrily about.

I knew Exuberance had been experimenting with door scripts on the beach. She wasn’t online, so I begged leave of my honey and teleported to the temple at Pele. From my landing spot I could see Dodge, bouncing merrily up and down above the beach.

He was sitting on the cube, which would hiccup every now and again and bounce four or five meters higher, then fall back down. Every time the cube would jump, Dodgeguy would go with it.

Only Dodge would have thought of sitting on the cube. Well, perhaps Jessie Prior might have, too.

Gadget Guy

My nickname for Dodgeguy is Gadget Guy. That’s because he loves peculiar objects and acquires them whenever possible. That’s great, because whenever I need a peculiar object and want to acquire one, DG can tell me just where to go. Or he’ll make one for me.

I could have nicknamed him Handyguy, but Gadget Guy worked best.

My favorite GG gadget is the weather machine. Dodge is able to call up, upon request, clouds, thunder, rain, hail, and even a downpour of frogs. He’s offered to let me borrow the weather maker when I decide to have a housewarming.

Yeah, Dodgeguy is a great neighbor.


Photo 1: Scary snowman

Photo 2: Will this cube jump to 43 meters?

Photo 3: Chey takes steps to protect herself from potential rains of frogs on Dodgeguy and Damian’s land

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