Alphonse is a Poseur

Written 18 September, 2012

Alphonse is a Poseur

I lived in France for four years. I didn't learn to speak the language much, but I do know phony French when I hear it, and Alphonse, our supposed-to-be-Gallic descentbot, just doesn't sound authentic. He says, for instance, his favorite food is es-car-got, pronounced with an audible t. Alphonse is just wrong.

He says he's cousin to Gaston, our Parisian liftbot...

.. but Gaston sneers and calls him Quebecois trash. "I am superior," he says."I take people upwards. Alphonse carries them downward."

Gaston has a bit of an attitude himself, but Alphonse has an unfortunate personality for a public servant. Just today I saw he had put up a sign that reads...

I'm Alphonse-- your ridebot. Let me just say right up front: I like tips. Tips protect against unfortunate incidents at 4000 meters. Not that that's a threat...

Alphonse is an extortionist. He's taking advantage of his scary route.

On tip of those chairs and riders would have a long way to fall.

I have Alphonse moving (just sit in a chair and touch him), but I've not yet built in logic to summon him for a ride to the top. Still, you should try him out. Jump here.

I'm holding off on completing the task. I'm afraid it will make Alphonse more insufferable than he already is.