Monday, May 4, 2009

Cop Linden Here

Written 4 May, 2009

Cop Linden Here

Hello. I’m Cop Linden. I’m here to tell you this blog site has been shut down while we investigate Ms. Cheyenne Palisades for overuse of abuse reports.

It seems in the past twelve months suspect Palisades has filed 784 abuse reports. That’s like calling 911 784 times to report your cat up a tree. Highly inappropriate. Abuse reporting should be used only as a last resort and only for the most nefarious virtual crimes against avatars or property. You know, stuff like sassing a Linden or getting aggressive on the forums.

While my fellow constables Nightstick Linden and RubberHose Linden are grilling Ms. Palisades at our Bay City Police Station (which she so mercilessly lampooned in this blog) I’m here, snooping through her inventory and reading her notecards and IM chat logs.

And yes, I have a warrant, signed by the respected and forthright Judge Camper Linden. He charged us only 26 Lindens.

Oh, I see Ms. Palisades has links here to other bloggers! Please excuse me for a second.

Cop Linden Conference: Attention all units! Proceed immediately to all sites listed at the left of suspect Palisades’ blog page and investigate the bloggers thoroughly. Be on the lookout also for one Sweetie, and be careful! She is armed with tongue and sword and should be considered dangerous.

 Thank you, blog reader, for your patience.

Now I’m afraid I and my fellow detective CoerciveMethods Linden here will need to ask you a few questions.

How long have you been reading suspect Palisades’ blog? Um-hum. And would you say you’re a FAITHFUL reader? Um-hum.

No, we won’t turn down our overbright avatar lights. They’re SUPPOSED to shine in your eyes and make you sweat.

When was the first time you read suspect Palisades’ blog? Um-hum. And have you ever acted upon her advice and suggestions? Uh-hum. Have you visited her haven of subversion, Whimsy? No? And why not? Too busy, you say? Um-hum.

I see you’re on suspect Palisades’ friends list. Why is that? Uh-hum. You say you met her at the welcome area on your first day in world and she was nice to you. Um-hum. Do you friend everyone who is nice to you? Um-hum. Oh, she friended YOU. And did that make you suspicious? No? Why not?

What? You’re unfriending her right now? And you’ll never visit this blog site again?

That’s your choice, of course.

What’s that, CoerciveMethods? No, you can’t use your joint-deforming script on this suspect—I mean witness. Not yet, anyway.

That’s all for now, blog reader. You may go. But don’t leave the internet without our permission.

No comments: