Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Raid on the Police Station

Send us Lindens or you'll never seen your beloved donuts alive again!

Written 8 October, 2008

The Raid on the Police Station

Cheyenne Palisades is lying on the grass at the Pigpen Memorial Sculpture Park and Gallery, watching videos from the 1960s with Greg Paslong and Vivien Janick. The Machinima Expo doesn’t start until tomorrow, but Greg and Viv snuck in, and here we are, watching Bo Diddly and Hendrix and the Dead, flashing back to the 1960s. Peace, man!

There’s nothing like breaking into a festival the day before it starts. No crowds, no lag, no one spamming the chat. Woo hoo!

Speaking of breaking in...

A long time ago Sweetie and I had the pleasure of sneaking backstage at the Moulin Rouge at Paris 1900. Their huge invisiprim security system? Pah! We spat upon their huge invisiprim security system! Or, rather, we sat on it and got off on the other side. Security compromised!

Today we had the pleasure of breaking into a police station. We had gone to see Linden Lab’s much-vaunted Nautilus and Bay City areas. (And what did we think of them? Well, Sweetie didn’t even give them the obligatory 10 seconds to impress her. They were competently executed, but they just lacked fabulosity. And they were empty, only 1-2 avies per sim. That tell you anything, Lindens?)

We were about to leave for someplace—anyplace—else, but then Sweetie spied it.

It being the Bay City Police Department.

The building was a boring copy of a real-life police station, down to the donuts, and there was no one else on the sim.

So I ask you, what would YOU have done?


Sweetie (talking to the empty front desk): Help, Help! I am being mugged by a vampire! Help, help, help, help!

Sweetie: Help!

Sweetie: 911!

Sweetie: Help! I am being attacked by a retarded linden build!

Cheyenne: I'm here to make a report

Cheyenne: My animations are missing

Cheyenne: Someone stole them

Cheyenne (looking menacingly at Sweetie): Only ONE person was anywhere near!

Sweetie: The prims have taken over

Steel door reception: You must be in the same group as the door to enter.

Driver Seat whispers: You do not have your active group set the same as this vehicle...

Sweetie: And they are arrogant ugly photorealistic prims!

Sweetie: Help, help!

Sweetie: I am here to report the theft of my virtual reality!

The door that led into the depths of the police station was locked, but, accomplished brigand that I am, I sat on the cop car in the garage. It didn’t let me drive it (THAT would have been a riot!), but it got me past security. Sweetie followed. Then we ran rampage.

Staff gear at Bay City PD whispers: Thank you. Your product will be delivered shortly. (If Second Life is being extremely slow, it can take up to 15 minutes).

Yep, we equipped ourselves with cop uniforms and riot gear.

Then we riffled through their files.

No kidding! The job applications and employee files were in a filing cabinet and unsecured. I grabbed several of them just to see if I could, but when I realized they contained personal data from job applicants I flushed them.

It’s really incredible, isn’t it? The make-believe police department, for Philip Linden’s sake, and the file drawers are wide open!

Sweetie: Yo, pigs!

Sweetie: We're blowing this place

Cheyenne: Pigs die!

Cheyenne: I wish I had spray paint

Sweetie: And we're taking the filing cabinet with us!

Sweetie: The notecards are ours, see?

Sweetie: And you will have to pay handsomely to get them back

Sweetie: We're representing the new President

Sweetie: He is not in favor of your using national Linden Security letters to collect private data

Sweetie: so we are taking the filing cabinet

Sweetie: and your illegal night sticks

Sweetie: and we're taking your donuts too—just ‘cause we can

Sweetie: By the way, your locks SUCK!

Box of Donuts gave you 'Donut'

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