Saturday, June 5, 2010

Reporting From the Field on the BP Oil Spill. III: ANWR

Written 5 June, 2010

Reporting From the Field on the BP Oil Spill


The boat ride was eerily peaceful as we crossed sim after sim.

Then, ahead, I saw it. ANWR.

Yes, the January-February 2005 build of the notorious Eric Linden.

How, notorious? Well, he no longer shows up in search on People. I guess when Lindens are fired or resign their accounts get deactivated, just like bad-acting citizens.

Actually, Eric built a lot of early content, including the Plum sim and lots of bridges.

Soon we were docked.

I lacked authorization for entry, of course, but one can't have hung around Sweetie for four years without picking up some of her talent for disguise.

Changing myself into a book, I flew aboard

and found an inconspicuous place to hide.

And where would an aspiring Pulitzer-winning journalist hide?

In plain sight, of course.

And as what book did I disguise myself, you ask?

Easy. Elaine Andrews' effusive-in-its-praise Dick Cheney: A Life of Public Service.

It was an easy choice, much better as camouflage than Gene Stones' Duck! The Dick Cheney Survival Guide or Fred Stopsky's Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney in Hell. I mean, I was on an oil rig, right? It was crawling with BP officials and Haliburton wonks and TransOcean executives. Best not to look liberal.

Lying there, with the stink of petroleum all around me, the ocean grey-green with effluent, and the rough talk of oilmen ("Hey! I got your topcap right here!") all around me, I almost lost heart. But I held fast.

And it paid off. I heard men talking about flying an emergency defibrillator to an oil refinery.

Well, they would need something to read on the flight!

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