Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A Three-Donut Vacation: XXI. The Book Signing

Top: This self-published book has become a surprise best-seller.
Click here for the multi-blogpost series of events leading up to its publication

Bottom: The Krispy Kreme Bookstore’s Number One Seller

Written 7 July, 2008

A Three-Donut Vacation

XXI: The Book Signing

“You know,” I said. “We don’t have to use ImSoNotADiva’s key. We could get the Director’s key. That way we could avoid a confrontation with her.”

“What?” said Sweetie. “And deprive your readers of the two-blogpost epic battle between me and Diva? Not on your life!”

“TWO blogposts?”

“I don’t break out my katana for just anything. I’ll help you write a cliff-hanger for the end of Part One.”

Who was she kidding? She was always pulling her sword. “Who is the Director, anyway?” I asked. “And damn this bumpy elevator! Will it ever get to street level?”

“Why do you think Philip Linden stepped down as CEO of Linden Lab?”

“Uh, to commit himself to visionary thinking to make better virtual worlds for all of us?”

“Ha! That’s just for public consumption. We all know he was forced out by M. You’ve read Ian Fleming. So you know M. was the former head of—”

“MI-6” I said. “I had no idea!”

“Right. He’s M. Linden now. And out-of-a-job Philip was recruited by the TSA. He’s nominally the Director, but everyone knows the real power lies with Diva because she controls the Copybot technology. The Krispy Kreme government hopes to use the Copybot to lower the cost of producing their little glazed sugar bombs. All that grease and sugar and yeast costs money. Clones are almost cost-free.”

I found myself thinking of that bag of donuts I’d left at the Krispy Kreme counter. Perhaps I could snag it when we stepped out of the elevator..

“But,” continued Sweetie, “though his extensive network of FLICKR friends, Torley has uncovered Diva’s secret plans to modify the Copybot for use on humans.”

“Good god,” I said. “Cloning avatars! That’s terrible! Because—”

“Yes! Because of her overweening ego, she’ll use it to duplicate herself.”

“I was going to say it will play havoc with the UUID system. We can’t let her get away with this!”

“We won’t,” Sweetie promised. “Look! We’re here! No, leave those donuts! Time is of the essence!”


We’d been following a trail of posters advertising Diva’s signing of her new book Sweetie’s Acquittal: Travesty of Justice or Portent of Doom? In fact, we had been standing in queue for fifteen minutes at the Krispy Kreme bookstore in hopes of getting our copies signed. Now we were at the head of the line.

Sweetie handed her book to an unsuspecting Diva. Without looking up, Diva asked her how she would like it inscribed. Sweetie said, “To my arch-enemy and nemesis, with love.” When Diva looked up in surprise, Sweetie lopped off her head.

“That was easy,” said Sweetie, picking up the severed head. I grabbed a book bag from a display and Sweetie dropped the head inside.

Our fans among the bookstore set, who had recognized us and had been whispering among themselves, broke into a round of applause. We curtsied. “Bravo!” someone cried. "Beautiful gown, Sweetie!” yelled someone else. “Where did you get it?”

“Time to beat a hasty retreat,” Sweetie said, signing one last autograph. “Let’s just hope Top Cop is still there with that Gaxis getaway golf cart.”

A familiar voice came from a loudspeaker in the ceiling, “You don’t think I would use my original avatar for a mere book-signing, do you? Fools! I’m making more copies of myself at this very moment! Muwahaha!”

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