Saturday, January 12, 2008

Belated Christmas Songs

Written 12 January, 2008

Belated Christmas Songs

Christmas has come and gone, and next Christmas is a whole year away, so it's probably safe to tell you about Sweetie's Christmas songs.

I just admit that I fed her lines now and again, so I'm as much to blame as she is.

First was this one. Innocent enough. She just tossed it out one night when we were grid-jumping, in the spur of the moment:

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: Oh, Linden tree, oh, Linden tree, you're lagging, but we love you

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: Oh Linden tree, oh Linden tree, we can't copy or transfer you

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: Your bulbs are light and on full bright

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: I look at you

[2:00] Sweetie Provoceaur: in forced midnight

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: Oh, Linden tree

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: Oh, Linden tree

[2:00] Jeremiah Pintens: HAHAHAHAHAH

[2:00] Sweetie Provocateur: We gather round you faithfully

Can you believe that? Less than a minute! Off the top of her head! To a group of her friends! Only Jeremiah had time to respond!


Innocent enough, right?

But like my first coat, it was the start of a trend. Soon, Sweetie was tossing songs off left and right.

Sing this (if you dare) to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen:

One day I jumped on a pose ball
And much to my dismay
I learned the furry
 Standing near me clearly was not gay
I never thought an avatar could bend and twist that way
Oh, pose balls of woe and despair
Woe and despair
Oh, pose balls of woe and despair

He said, "Oh, yes, my darling
That is quite a nice display
I love the way this animation
Makes your prim breasts sway
Thank heavens for Greg Altman
I could do this night and day"
Oh, pose balls of woe and despair
Woe and despair
Oh, pose balls of woe and despair

I clicked stand up and turned to him
And typed out my outrage
And said, "What were you thinking, sir
To trick me in this way?
I was a pose ball virgin, sir
Now if asked, I must say
I am fallen on pose balls of despair
Woe and despair
I am fallen on pose balls of despair"

THAT one took all of five minutes.

All of this led to songs that weren't about Christmas.

This (fortunately unfinished) song is sung to the tune of Elton John and Bernie Taupin's Rocket Man. It's called Newbie Man, and is about that one possession every newbie man must have:

I miss my penis
This is not right
I'm like a Ken doll
Late at night

And, in a lighter vein, this to Don't Fence Me In:

Oh, give me land, lots of prims under starry Linden skies
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open Grid that I adore
Don't fence me in.
Let me fly by myself in the Linden breezes
And listen to the murmur of my new sound prims
Mute my av forever, but I ask you please
Don't fence me in.

Just turn me loose, Let me straddle my old dragon
Underneath the Linden skies.
Oh my obtuse, brand new neighbor, let me wander
Till I reach the mountain rise.

I want to fly to the edge where the void commences
And gaze at the Linden moon and lose my senses
I don't like McMansions and I hate red fences
Don't fence me in

I cannot TELL you how proud and happy I am to have such a brilliant, quick-witted, innovative, and irreverent girlfriend. :)


Corgi said...

[standing ovation]

Anonymous said...

Sweetie Replies.....

(Doing her best Elvis impersonation) Thank You... Thank ya vera much!


akumatatsu61 said...

That still makes me laugh.


Jeremiah P.