Saturday, February 24, 2007

Malta Speaks

Weirdness Magnet

Written 23 February, 2007

Malta Speaks

II: She speaks

It was pretty clear from the beginning that my alt (for convenience sake, let’s call her Malta) had a lifestyle and personality of her own. She was not the grand lady that Cheyenne is, but, rather, a cocky kid. But let’s let her tell it.


I’m not so sure about this whole SL thing.

I mean, my experiences so far haven’t been the best.

First time out, I nearly get eaten by a scary ass dragon. If I hadn’t lied about my sexual status (I am a virgin), I would have been dragon poop, or else sacrificed to the volcano goddess.

I don’t even get to rez at a nice place. My home is in one of the infohubs, surrounded by newbies and sound spammers and griefers. Every one of them thinks it’s funny to make farting noises. Bo-ring! And smelly.

Thank goodness, my friend Cheyenne Palisades gave me a bunch of Lindens; if she hadn’t, I would have been bully bait. First thing, I bought a Mystitool, which give me movelock and a sit shield. Then I went shopping and bought hair (blue), a skin (glittery eye shadow) black nail polish, and a couple of outfits on sale at PixelDolls. And shoes. A girl has to have shoes.

So, on my third rez, when I got accosted by a gang of toughs at the Isobel infohub, I was wearing the Mystitool and was ready. I just turned the movelock on and they couldn’t budge me. I stood there and calmly wrote an abuse report while they were wailing on me.

I suppose if I had kept my big mouth shut, it wouldn’t have happened, but an av was abusing a woman for turning down his crude sexual approach, and I had to say something about it. He said, “Shut up, bitch,” and I told him his newbie manners were appalling.

Well, that’s not exactly how I said it.

That really set him off. He called me a blue-haired freak of nature and he and his friends started trying to push me around by bumping me and shooting me with a watermelon gun. It made them angry when they couldn’t budge me and even angrier when I told them my dick was bigger than theirs. In fact, I questioned whether they even had dicks. And meanwhile I was muting them one by one so I couldn’t hear their sound spam, and tearing them to shreds verbally.

I resisted the temptation to cage them, as that would have been a violation of the terms of service. I may have a fast mouth, but I’m not foolish.

That was my first really unpleasant experience, but not the last.

The next time I rezzed, I made friends with a new av couple and, with Cheyenne’s permission, showed them around Pele. It started out well, but the girl soon logged and I was left alone with the boy, who right away began to hit on me.

I put on my vagitarian t-shirt, but he was undeterred, so I just walked away.

“Don’t be foolish!” he shouted after me, as if I were throwing away an opportunity or something. He was still shouting when I logged off to fetch Cheyenne, who could ban him.

The next time I rezzed, I met a French newbie lady who told me I was beautiful. It wasn’t clear whether she was hitting on me, but as my best guess was that she meant she wanted to improve her look, I took her to a skin shop and gave her 5L to buy demos.

She seemed to be a conflicted person. She kept asking questions like, “Are you a real person? Or are you a machine,” and “Do you hate your first life?” and “I can’t take this money.” (C’mon, it’s a penny and a half!) I could almost SEE her agitation. She logged before she tried on a skin.

I dunno. Maybe she WAS hitting on me. But I don’t think so.

About the only good time I had was when I introduced myself to Chey’s friend Leaf, who is a nice lady. She thought I was funny.

Ordinarily, though, I just seem to be a magnet for weirdness


Talon Sidek said...

I'm already head over for Malta. Too bad she doesn't swing that way.

As for the nice French lady, Malta's experience is not unique. I routinely gift newbies to make them smile, but I made the mistake of giving a French woman an inexpensive Pixel Dolls dress and suffered a 5 minute verbal beating about how hard her friends had to work for that much money ($L75), and how she could get money herself, blah, blah, blah.

Sheesh, what's with the French? Just accept the gifts and say "Thanks".

Malta said...

Hiya, Talon. I like the French. They are so... French. They aren't afraid to be themselves. Sort of like me.

You like me? Really? I might swing the other way-- if I swing at all. But I don't swing any way, as I'm keeping myself pure. That's why I'm so nervous around the dragon and the volcano. If they knew I was a virgin...