Robots Never Sleep

Written 16 August, 2010

Robots Never Sleep

Cheyenne! Cheyenne! Wake up!

Ermggh?

Wakie, wakie!

Primsworth? Why are you IMing at six in the morning?

I've apprehended a vandal.

Vandal? What the hell are you talking about?

I've nabbed a zero day old avatar and I'm holding him at the Whimsy entry area. I have him in a headlock.

What did he do?

It's not what he did. It's what he MIGHT do.

Erm, and what MIGHT he do?

Virtually anything.

Primsworth, I distinctly remember turning off your security functions.

I just couldn't let this one go.

Prim, we get brand new visitors every day. What's so remarkable about him?

He's using Viewer 2.0!

OMG! Hey, wait a minute! All newbies use Viewer 2.

They do?

Yes, you silly robot, they all do.

But you don't use Viewer 2.0!

I'm not a newbie, Primsworth.

New data noted. Did you use Viewer 2 when you were new?

No, Primsworth. I didn't use Viewer 2.

That rather proves my point, doesn't it?

Prim, there WAS no Viewer 2 when I was new.

New data noted. So, what should I do with this guy? My particle arms are getting tired.

Let him go, Prim.

Let him go?

Let him go.

I'm reluctant to let him go.

I'm getting that. Tell me again how your security functions got turned back on.

Erm...

Prim, let me remind you of the first law of virtual robotics: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Says nothing about avatars, does it? Does it?

Prim, just let him go, you bucket of bolts! If you don't, I'll remove your scripts, and then where will you be?

New data noted. I am preparing to let him go. Uh-oh. A problem.

What problem?

He seems to have gone AFK.

Prim, I'm having nightmares about litigation. How tight were you holding him?

Not that hard. I'm sure he'll be okay eventually. Do you want me to give him pulmoavatar resuscitation ?

No! Look, I need you to fly up to 4096 meters and stay there until I tell you otherwise.

New input noted. Do you think there are any low-life Viewer 2-using newbies up there?

I'm sure of it.


Can I take him with me?