Not Safe for Work
Leveraged Buyout
Part XII: The Board Meeting, Part I
Written 5 November, 2012
Taggmasster 2000: I'd like to call this meeting to order.
Sweetie: Objection! Cheyenne Palisades is owner of this sim and by the covenant she's Chair of this board.
Taggmasster 2000: And yet she's not here.
Dakota Burns: You know why she's not here, you Gorean pimp! You fucking banned her.
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $25L.
Dakota Burns: I'm not payin' you, you piece of slabsided pottery!
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $50L.
Dakota Burns: What, s-l-a-b-s-i-d-e-d is a swear word now?
Taggmasster 2000: Friends and fellow board members, I object to this pimp insult. I didn't ban Ms. Palisades. I would never stoop so low. She was banned by our legal system due to her violent nature.
Dakota Burns: Oh, no, you don't! The ban has to be lifted so she can attend this travesty of a board meeting.
Judge Camper: My decision is final.
Dakota Burns: Then as I have Ms. Palisades' proxy--"
Taggmasster 2000: I will be happy to serve as interim board chair.
Dakota Burns: STFU, you asshat! I have Chey's proxy and I'm declaring myself chair of this meeting.
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $75L.
Dakota Burns: Yeah, but I gotcha by using the acronym for shut the fuck up, didn't I?"
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $100L.
Dakota Burns: Dammit!
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $125L.
Dakota Burns: Doesn't matter anyway. I have no money to pay you.
Taggmasster 2000: As Ms. Burns is delinquent in her payment to the Whimsy swear jar and by extention to the nation-state of Wimsy, that would rule her ineligible to serve as chair.
Dakota Burns: Sez who?
Sweetie: I will promise to pay the current fees owed by Ms. Burns to Whimsy Estates. I move that pending Ms. Palisades' return her alt Dakota Burns be appointed interim chair.
Dakota Burns: I second that.
Judge Camper. You can't second that, you're the subject of the motion.
Dakota Burns: Then as holder of Chey's proxy I second the motion. I call the vote. All in favor? Opposed? I'm board chair.
Sweetie: Yay!
Dakota Burns: As interim board chair I direct that Judge Camper be removed from the premises due to the fact he owns no stock in Whimsy Estates.
Judge Camper: But I'm counsel to Mr. 2000 and Eramalos Capital Group!
Dakota Burns: Very well, but you have no voting privilege here.
Taggmasster 2000: Then as Cheyenne's attorney of record, Sweetie shouldn't be allowed to vote either.
Dakota Burns: But she does own stock. And if you don't back away from her she'll no doubt cut off your fucking head.
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $150L.
Sweetie: Go easy, Dakota. I'm not made of money.
Dakota Burns: Before we proceed, does any one have any cameras, recording devices, or spy scripts?
Sweetie: We all have cameras, Dakota. It's part of the interface.
Dakota Burns: So we do. But I'd better not hear any shutter sounds.
Sweetie: I just scanned Taggmasster 2000. He has spy scripts in his cufflinks, tie clasp and prim penis.
Dakota Burns: Take them off, Tagg, and pass them to Baliff Merlin. Baliff Merlin, remove all scripts and hand the, er, items back to Mr. 2000.
Sweetie: Baliff Merlin! It's so nice to see you! It's been years! And you're a furry now! Who would have guessed!
Dakota Burns: Now let's go around the room so everyone can introduce themselves and tell us why they qualify to be here. I'm Dakota Burns, Ms. Palisades' alt, and I have her proxy. And I think I left a prim here somewhere back in 2008.
Sweetie: I'm Sweetie No-Last-Name and I'm Ms. Palisades' attorney of record and hot girlfriend. I have more than a thousand prims here on Whimsy.
Taggmasster 2000: Hello, everybody. I'm Taggmasster 2000. I represent Eremalos Capital Group. I'm happy to tell you our plans for these sims. First we intend to--
Dakota Burns: Zip it, Tagg. You'll get your turn to speak.
Sleezy Spinoza: Everyone knows who I am. I'm Sleezy Spinoza and I'm here as a representative of the media. Also I had a friend help me rez a prim so I could vote a share. And oh, what fun it was!
Taggmasster 2000: I have the proxy of Whimsy's residents, animals, and scripts.
Dakota Burns: What's that? It did? Oh, that's terrible! Everyone, I'm keeping Chey informed of proceedings through IM. She tells me one of our renters had her beach house flooded by the weather machine we set up to mirror Hurricane Sandy's effect here in Whimsy. She's been too busy to get in world, so Tagg couldn't possibly have her proxy. I'm ruling her and her shares absent.
Taggmasster 2000: Now see here--
Dakota Burns: Pretend I have a gavel. Now pretend I'm banging it. You're out of order, Gorian.
Sweetie: I demand Taggmasster show proof of his proxies.
Taggmasster 2000: Here are signed copies.
Dakota Burns: Well, I'll be a blue-haired freak of nature! He actually has signatures. But wait-- these all seem to be in the same hand.
Taggmasster 2000: Well, they gave them to me electronically.
Dakota Burns: I need to study these. I'm declaring a 30-minute recess. Please don't travel more than 96 meters from this spot or rez any prims during the break.
Sweetie: Objection! Cheyenne Palisades is owner of this sim and by the covenant she's Chair of this board.
Taggmasster 2000: And yet she's not here.
Dakota Burns: You know why she's not here, you Gorean pimp! You fucking banned her.
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $25L.
Dakota Burns: I'm not payin' you, you piece of slabsided pottery!
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $50L.
Dakota Burns: What, s-l-a-b-s-i-d-e-d is a swear word now?
Taggmasster 2000: Friends and fellow board members, I object to this pimp insult. I didn't ban Ms. Palisades. I would never stoop so low. She was banned by our legal system due to her violent nature.
Dakota Burns: Oh, no, you don't! The ban has to be lifted so she can attend this travesty of a board meeting.
Judge Camper: My decision is final.
Dakota Burns: Then as I have Ms. Palisades' proxy--"
Taggmasster 2000: I will be happy to serve as interim board chair.
Dakota Burns: STFU, you asshat! I have Chey's proxy and I'm declaring myself chair of this meeting.
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $75L.
Dakota Burns: Yeah, but I gotcha by using the acronym for shut the fuck up, didn't I?"
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $100L.
Dakota Burns: Dammit!
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $125L.
Dakota Burns: Doesn't matter anyway. I have no money to pay you.
Taggmasster 2000: As Ms. Burns is delinquent in her payment to the Whimsy swear jar and by extention to the nation-state of Wimsy, that would rule her ineligible to serve as chair.
Dakota Burns: Sez who?
Sweetie: I will promise to pay the current fees owed by Ms. Burns to Whimsy Estates. I move that pending Ms. Palisades' return her alt Dakota Burns be appointed interim chair.
Dakota Burns: I second that.
Judge Camper. You can't second that, you're the subject of the motion.
Dakota Burns: Then as holder of Chey's proxy I second the motion. I call the vote. All in favor? Opposed? I'm board chair.
Sweetie: Yay!
Dakota Burns: As interim board chair I direct that Judge Camper be removed from the premises due to the fact he owns no stock in Whimsy Estates.
Judge Camper: But I'm counsel to Mr. 2000 and Eramalos Capital Group!
Dakota Burns: Very well, but you have no voting privilege here.
Taggmasster 2000: Then as Cheyenne's attorney of record, Sweetie shouldn't be allowed to vote either.
Dakota Burns: But she does own stock. And if you don't back away from her she'll no doubt cut off your fucking head.
Whimsy Swear Jar: You just spoke a dirty word, DAKOTA BURNS. Please pay me $25L. You now owe me $150L.
Sweetie: Go easy, Dakota. I'm not made of money.
Dakota Burns: Before we proceed, does any one have any cameras, recording devices, or spy scripts?
Sweetie: We all have cameras, Dakota. It's part of the interface.
Dakota Burns: So we do. But I'd better not hear any shutter sounds.
Sweetie: I just scanned Taggmasster 2000. He has spy scripts in his cufflinks, tie clasp and prim penis.
Dakota Burns: Take them off, Tagg, and pass them to Baliff Merlin. Baliff Merlin, remove all scripts and hand the, er, items back to Mr. 2000.
Sweetie: Baliff Merlin! It's so nice to see you! It's been years! And you're a furry now! Who would have guessed!
Dakota Burns: Now let's go around the room so everyone can introduce themselves and tell us why they qualify to be here. I'm Dakota Burns, Ms. Palisades' alt, and I have her proxy. And I think I left a prim here somewhere back in 2008.
Sweetie: I'm Sweetie No-Last-Name and I'm Ms. Palisades' attorney of record and hot girlfriend. I have more than a thousand prims here on Whimsy.
Taggmasster 2000: Hello, everybody. I'm Taggmasster 2000. I represent Eremalos Capital Group. I'm happy to tell you our plans for these sims. First we intend to--
Dakota Burns: Zip it, Tagg. You'll get your turn to speak.
Sleezy Spinoza: Everyone knows who I am. I'm Sleezy Spinoza and I'm here as a representative of the media. Also I had a friend help me rez a prim so I could vote a share. And oh, what fun it was!
Taggmasster 2000: I have the proxy of Whimsy's residents, animals, and scripts.
Dakota Burns: What's that? It did? Oh, that's terrible! Everyone, I'm keeping Chey informed of proceedings through IM. She tells me one of our renters had her beach house flooded by the weather machine we set up to mirror Hurricane Sandy's effect here in Whimsy. She's been too busy to get in world, so Tagg couldn't possibly have her proxy. I'm ruling her and her shares absent.
Taggmasster 2000: Now see here--
Dakota Burns: Pretend I have a gavel. Now pretend I'm banging it. You're out of order, Gorian.
Sweetie: I demand Taggmasster show proof of his proxies.
Taggmasster 2000: Here are signed copies.
Dakota Burns: Well, I'll be a blue-haired freak of nature! He actually has signatures. But wait-- these all seem to be in the same hand.
Taggmasster 2000: Well, they gave them to me electronically.
Dakota Burns: I need to study these. I'm declaring a 30-minute recess. Please don't travel more than 96 meters from this spot or rez any prims during the break.
No comments:
Post a Comment