Saturday, November 3, 2012

Leveraged Buyout: Part VI. Barbarians (Literally!) at the Gate

Leveraged Buyout

Part VI: Barbarians (Literally!) at the Gate

Written 3 November, 2012

"I was expecting a taller Taggmasster," I said to Sweetie.

"Silence, infidel!" roared Tagg in his basso profundo.

"Uh, you got it backwards, Taggy," I said. "You're the uh-- I don't know how to say this-- barbarian. We here on Whimsy are civilized. See," I said, piroutetting, "high couture!"

"Not as couture as mine," Sweetie reminded me.

"Still pretty high when compared to a loincloth," I said.

"I'll have you know this is mesh," Taggmasster said, "and mesh loincloths don't come cheap."

"Sweetie, put your sword down," said Sleezy. "I have an interview to do. Do I look good?"

"Good enough I'm thinking about offering you a collar," Taggmasster said.

After primping her hair, Sleezy said, "Hello! Here with an exclusive report, it's Sleezy Spinoza on the isle of Whimsy, site of the recent zombie horde and much-talked-about target for takeover by Taggmasster 2000's Eremalos Capitol Group. Here is you-know-who to talk about you-know-what and who-can-guess-how-much! Miss Palisades--"

"Miss Palisades will not be speaking today." This from Judge Cam--- er, JusticeUnlimited, or whatever his display name was. "On my advice."

"Oh, pooh!" said Sleezy, who immediately turned to Taggmasster 2000.

So, Mr. Taggmasster, tell me, what brings you here to the beautiful Whimsy simsies?"

"Simsies?" Tagg asked.

"Sounds better on camera than sims," said Sleezy. "Just go with it."

"'I'm here on behalf of my company, Eremalos. We plan to acquire a controlling interest in Whimsy."

"Can I cut his head off, Chey? "Can I, can I, can I?"

"Not yet, Sweetie," I said.

"And there you have it," said Sleezy, turning to face her own camera. "There is to be a financial showdown on the Whimsy simsies. More at 11. And now a word from our sponsor."

"Wait!," said Justice Unlimited. "I represent Ms. Palisades---"

"Allegedly," I said.

"-- and I've been authorized by her to engage in negotiations with unnamed parties who wish to acquire a controlling interest in her sims. I'll be accepting all bids and of course making sure Ms. Palisades gets the best terms possible."

"Whimsy is not for sale," I said, as a camera's flash went off in my face.

Sweetie turned. "More zombies! Let me at 'em!"

Sleezy stepped in front of Sweetie-- which is a fairly dangerous thing to do when Sweetie's katana is out of its sheath. "No!" she said. "These aren't zombies, they're legitimate press. Don't you see their cameras?"

"I don't care if they have press credentials," Sweetie hissed. "I don't honor plastic badges."

"Please, Sweetie," I said. "It will be trouble enough sweeping up the members of the press you've already killed. And besides, you might get your picture in the papers."

"I might?" she said brightly.

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