|All Hail Bob!|
The Bob Saga
IV: Amber Alert
AMBER ALERT: WHIMSY, WHIMSY KABOOM. VEH UNKN TAG UNKN, CHILD "BOB", 3000 Y.O., GRANITE, MALE, 40,000 LBS, COMP UNKN, CONTACT CHEYENNE PALISADES
CANCEL AMBER ALERT: CHILD "BOB", WHIMSY, WHIMSY KABOOM. REPEAT, CANCEL AMBER ALERT.
BOLO CHEYENNE PALISADES, CHGE MAKING FALSE POL REPORT
Thank you for calling the Second Life Concierge Line. How may I help you?
Hey, why was my account suspended?
CLICK BELOW TO READ THE THRILLING CONCLUSIONS OF CHEY'S CONCIERGE CALL
What is your name, please?
My user name or my display name?
Display names aren't on the main grid at this time. Thank you for ca--
Wait! My name is Cheyenne Palisades. Don't hang up! Why was my account suspended?
Our database shows you made a false 911 call. That's a violation of the Terms of Service. We have cancelled the amber alert. We might have let the false call slide, but possession of an unauthorized Moody Stiletto prim foot is something else altogether.
False call? Canceled alert? Possession of a foot? But Bob is missing!
Our inventory search shows Bob is a copyable item. Why didn't you just rez another Bob?
You don't understand. He's not A Bob. He's THE Bob!
Yes, he's the COPYABLE Bob. As soon as you can log in, just rez another one. We've closed your ticket. As this is your first offense, your account is suspended for only one month. By November you'll be able to log in.
Wait, a MONTH!? That can't be! You don't understand. Bob is--
I'm waiting for it.
Bob's a god.
A god? Like Philip?
Bigger than Philip. Bigger even than Jobs and Gates.
Wow, that's indeed big! Maybe I'll cut your suspension down to a week.
So far as we've been able to tell, Bob's more than three thousand years old. You you know how long that is in SL time? It's like Jurassic!
Okay, your suspension is down to a day. That's older even than my grandpa.
Whimsy's native people worshipped Bob. They would have taken him when they fled the sim during a tantrum by the volcano goddess Pele, but he was so heavy he sank their outriggers. So they just left him doing his thing, rocking back and forth.
They called their god Bob? Why?
Because he does.
That doesn't change the fact that you have a copy of Bob in your inventory.
Are you religious?
And would you please tell me the name of your god?
We have a bunch.
Okay, then, how would you feel if someone replaced Krishna with a copy?
But Krishna IS a copy! The original was Visnu.
Duh! That's right. But you see my point. How would Christians feel about a replacement Jesus?
Terrible! It would be a sacrilege!
Exactly. And by the way, you gave yourself away. I KNEW Linden Lab outsourced their concierge service!
Please don't tell the press! I'll cut your suspension to an hour!
Make it fifteen minutes.
Okay, yes, fifteen minutes.
And you have to re-issue the Amber Alert.
But Bob's more than 3000 years old! Amber Alerts are about children. I can't issue an Amber on a god that old!
A BOLO, then.
Yes, yes. It'll go out within the hour. It'll say your elderly god has gone missing. And just to be nice, I'll cancel the BOLO on you.