Written 21 May, 2010
Here We Go Again!
Grrrr! those darn Lindens! Here they go again, advertising the more mundane aspects of Second Life existence at the expense of the fabulous.
They're pushing marriage! Not that commitments aren't important-- they are-- but where are the ads showing giant dragons and stupid steampunk builds and tiny street fairs and residents creating t-shirts? Where are the Linden ads for Second Life art and live music? Where are the ads for educational institutions and nonprofits?
Can Linden Lab really not think beyond their noobie houses?
THIS IS A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. THIS BLOG HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY TAKEN OVER IN THE NAME OF M. LINDEN. WE ASSURE YOU MS. PALISADES HAS NOT BEEN ISP-BANNED FROM SECOND LIFE AND REMOVED TO A SECRET VIRTUAL GUANTANAMO WHERE SHE IS EVEN NOW BEING WATERBOARDED. WE'RE SURE, WHEREVER SHE IS, SHE IS CONTENT AND HAPPY AND LOOKING FORWARD TO MOVING INTO HER FINE NEW LINDEN HOME, JUST AS SOON AS HER REHABILITATION IS COMPLETE.
Hi! My name is M.
Look closely into my eyes! Closely! You see my Linden tag. You cannot resist!
You will download the Second Life client. Say it after me. I will download the Second Life client.
Listen to me carefully and repeat each sentence.
I will be a good Second Life citizen.
I will not be a furry or a robot or a tiny.
I will not be a vampire or a Gorean slave.
I will not go to Zindra for sex.
I will not learn to build.
I will not learn to script.
I will not make art in Second Life.
I will make a paid account so I can get a swell Linden home.
I will buy Lindens with real-world currency and fill my 117-prim limit with expensive sculpted furniture.
I will spend thousands of Lindens on ridiculous "haute couture" fashion with scripted attachments.
I will meet another avatar of the opposite sex. It does not matter if the typist is male or female, only that we appear in world to be a happy heterosexual couple.
We will fall in love and buy one another expensive gifts on XStreet.
We will have a lavish wedding, spending megabucks on dresses and tuxedos, flowers, DJs, and rental of a garishly decorated wedding chapel.
We will invest in a talking tummy that will make everyone around us retch with pronouncements from the virtual fetus about the progress of the "pregnancy."
We will recruit friends to role play our babies.
We will maintain our Avatar United accounts and pay our membership fees promptly and be good Second Life citizens. Meaning we will live happily forever after within our prim limits and asking no questions.
When you awake, you will follow these instructions, but remember nothing.
Snap! Wake up!