Teleport Tom is LIVID!
Written 19 June, 2008
A Three-Donut Vacation
IV. Fashionista Bandits
And that’s how we became known as the fashionista bandits.
Robbing banks did little for our bottom line, but the fringe benefits were marvelous. We were soon haute coutured out the gills. When my inventory went over 20,000 items I started passing items to my alt to hold. Her name is Dakota Burns.
“Waaah!” she said. “I hate this. Can’t you just put them all in a box?”
“I tried that,” I told her. “I put stuff in boxes and boxes within boxes until I had 10,000 items in a single box. Every freebie I ever picked up, copies of all my textures, clothes, everything. And then I took the box into inventory.”
“It worked?” Dakota asked.
“Almost.”
“What happened?”
“I lost the box.”
“Okay, so I’ll hold these old lady clothes for you, but it’ll cost you.”
“How much?”
“Can I have a place to live on Whimsy?”
“Absolutely not. You stay up way too late and play your music way too loud. How does 500L sound?”
“Sounds about right,” she said.
-----
“There’s something I need to tell you,” Sweetie said one day.
I looked at her. “What?”
“I’ve not been entirely truthful with you.”
“Who is he?” I said. “I’ll murderize him!”
“No, not that. I have a secret.”
I’ve seen enough Maury Povich shows to suspect I wasn’t going to like the secret. “What?”
“You remember that first bank?”
“Yeah, the anomalous Ginko. What about it?”
“Remember when I went into the vault? Alone?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not who you think I am.”
“C’mon now, I know you’re not a guy in real life.”
“No, not that. I’m—I’m—“
“Spit it out!”
“I’m licensed to kill,” she said. “Double-naught.”
“You’re a spy?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes, and the robberies were a cover.”
“That Ginko was no accident, was it? You found something in the vault.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I did.”
“Well?” I said.
“I’m now in possession of the location of the secret headquarters of the Teleportation Security Administration.”
I laughed. “Teleport Tom won’t be very happy about that!”
“He’s not. For the past month the grid has been in Condition Teleport Tom is Livid.”
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