Birthers are Just Crazy

Written 28 December, 2010

Birthers are Just Crazy

I usually manage to keep politics out of this blog, but a couple of things have triggered me.

First, on the heels of a New York Times story about  newly-elected Hawaii governor Neil Abercrombie's scathing comments about the efforts of birthers to prove U.S. President Barrack Obama was not born in the United States, MSNBC pontificator Chris Matthews has jumped into the fray, wanting to know why Obama hasn't asked Hawaii for the long form of his birth certificate.

Second thing: a once-sane friend has gone bathshit (no, that's not a typo!) t-party crazy, e-mailing me ever more bizarre conspiracy theories about the U.S. government in general and Obama in particular.

He says, for instance, that the much-despised TSA body scanners in the nation's airports are Obama's fault. True, they came into widespread usage during Obama's administration, but they were already deployed in 2007, meaning duh!, they were the product of the warped thinking of the Bush administration.

In his latest, my friend is claiming Obama is secretly gay. He was apparently the secret lover of Rahm Emmanuel in the Chicago bathhouses. No shit.

Give me a frigging break. I've seen in video the intimacy shared between Obama and Michelle. It's clear their relationship is a good one, and a sexual one. That can't be faked (Take, for instance, the strained body language of whackadoodle U.S. Senator John McCain and his Anheiser-Busch heiress wife. In video (it's not apparent in still photos), she has the deer-in-the-headlights look of an abused woman. McCain's temper is no secret (jeez, did you see him in the debates on the run-up to the Presidential election? And of course there's McCain's infamous in-front-of-reporters instance of verbal abuse, in which he calls Cindy the C-word). I  know he beats the shit out of her when they're alone. I just know it.

Grrr!

So, let's cut to some of Hawaii Governor Abercrombie's comments to the NYT:

“It’s an insult to his mother and to his father, and I knew his mother and father; they were my friends, and I have an emotional interest in that,” Governor Abercrombie said in a telephone interview late Thursday. “It’s an emotional insult. It is disrespectful to the president; it is disrespectful to the office.”

Bravo!

I just spent a half hour perusing increasingly wacko ramblings of birthers on the web. They spare no effort to deligitimize Obama.

Birthers are even floating bizarre theories about the CIA somehow retroactively inserting a fake birth announcement in Hawaii's two major newspapers. No kidding. But, you know, there are people who remember Obama's birth, and, yes, in Hawaii, so clearly all this birther brouhaha is just wingnut fodder.

Imagine it's 1961. Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, and his father, Barack Obama, Sr. are talking. Little do they realize dentist-lawyer-real estate agent-Zsa Zsa Gabor wannabe Orly Taitz has traveled back in time and slipped a microphone beneath their pillows in (of course) Kenya.

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What will we call him?

Well, we could give him your name.

Barack?

Yeah.

Sure.

What about a middle name?

Hmmmm, you know, according to my Hitchhiker's Handbook to the Future Universe, there will be a much-feared and much-despised dictator in Iraq called Saddam Hussein.

You saying we should call him Saddam?

No, no, Hussein.

Barack Hussein Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. I like it.

You don't think those names will be a problem?

In the future? Naah. How could they be? No one would hold a child's name against him.

I get this uneasy feeling...

I do, think, though, just in case he should one day be President of the U.S, we should travel to Hawaii and insert birth announcements in all the papers.

Good idea.

So he will have been "born" in the U.S.

Right.

I know this guy called Abercrombie. He can help us.

But of course the baby will be born here in Kenya, right?

Of course.

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I hate birthers. They are out of their frigging minds. And I'm sad my friend is now officially crazy.